Happy Towel Day!

It's hard to believe that a whole year has gone by since my last post about Towel Day, that day where we remember all the greatness that was Douglas Adams. Today is coincidentally also Geek Pride Day. Consider that anyone who celebrates Towel Day therefore also celebrates Geek Pride Day, sort of by definition. Kind of a two for the price of one.

It hit me earlier today that this day last year was also the day I flew home to California to spend a last bit of time with my mom. It's amazing to think of all that has happened since then, stuff that clearly is yet to be sorted through. What has marked you over this last Towel Day year?

Coming up for air

I'm still amazed at the very human capacity to change. No, not change, but transform, so that it's like everything before the change is simply wiped away. And seeing the change happening doesn't make it any less mysterious, less magical.

In just four short weeks, I find that I've always been a parent, that my daughter has always been here, and will always be here (and has always been, and will always be, a newborn, so more transformative change is sure to come from that). This means, among other things, that it's getting easier (I wouldn't say easy, yet) to build routines, to get things done. Now, I just need to figure out when to blog, and what to blog about (mommy blogging still really not an attractive option).

39x365 #28: Eva

Creatress of fine knitted goods for one special baby, purveyor of coffee, tea and homemade cakes to parents as a means to spend time with aforementioned baby. We would have visited anyway, but are glad to accept good hospitality.

The whole world is shrinking

And actually, it's quite alright. Everything I focus on, obsess about, is something that I've never had the opportunity to consider before. So, maybe my world is actually enlarging?

Some things in my newborn world which have recently amused me and/or made me happy: baby hiccoughs, that cool sort of Sufi-like dance which newborns do in light sleep, every tiny outfit, all the eagerness to visit the baby and all the visitors, testing early reflexes, taking advantage of a sleeping baby's limp limbs to lead them in dance moves (disco is a particular favorite), paparazzi-ing the baby, everything which goes into the baby, and even everything which comes out.

The simple life

I've always had a problem keeping things simple...I just expect too much, and worry too much, for the kind of relaxed minimalism that I find appealing. But it seems a bit easier now. Here you can see my menu for last week. We sort of kept to it, but not really. What else can be done to simplify life? What things do you do which you might recommend?

39x365 #27: Suzanne

My classmate in London, conducting PhD research into bilingualism. You wrote a book on raising bilingual children, undoubtedly influenced by your own French/English speaking family. It occurs to me that I should be finding the finished product about now.

The grossest job on Earth?

It had never hit me before just how much of motherhood is concerned with bodily fluids. Not to mention bodily solids and bodily gasses. Really, when the biggest laugh of the day concerns a combination of crying and actively smelly projectile diarrhea farts, well that must mean that you've become a mother. Can any experienced parents let me know about how long this phase can be expected to last?

Thor to our daughter: You are so young, and yet you are already an expert in chemical warfare.

39x365 #26: Girl in Japanese restaurant

A field trip to a Japanese restaurant, clearly your first experience with Japanese cuisine. You pre-ordered sashimi and lobster, but were not expecting raw fish and a live lobster. The waiter grudgingly allowed you to change your order.

Afternoon off

I'm sort of on strike. Since mid-afternoon, in bed, enjoying the warmth and irregular newborn breathing of the pixie-faced, diaper-clad baby lying on my stomach. My man-servant on call, willing and able to ensure my comfort. I plan to stay here, reading, internetting, but mainly just relaxing, for as long as possible.

What about you? What have you been up to?

Happy Liberation Day

Today marks the anniversary of the end of Nazi occupation of Denmark. Liberation Day. Freedom Day. In this case, freedom from occupation, but also a day to ponder other freedoms, other liberations. What is freedom? What do we need to be free from?

Recently, I find myself battling old demons in new guises. I know that sounds veiled and mysterious, but it really isn't. Just that it's too mundane to really make sense put into words in a public forum. I am battling (and winning, I believe, but it'll be a long battle) with questions like, what is motherhood? What does it mean to be a good mother? What does it mean to have balance in life? What counts as a relationship? And the answer to all of these, to some extent, is freedom. Being liberated from the necessity of finding a 'right' answer to a big question (or any question). Being liberated from the necessity of finding a permanent answer to questions. Being mindful of both questions and answers, yet aware that both of these constructs are tenuous at best.

What, for you, is freedom, liberation? What battles are you waging, and how do you think the fight is going?

39x365 #25: Kt

My long ago long-term lunch partner. Mother of two young-ladies-in-training. One of my many motherhood role models, the right amount of caring and laid-back. Which would be of more use except we’re both so bad at keeping in touch.

Now, I understand it all

On a visceral level, I mean. The tiredness. The total inability to get anything done, even when the baby is asleep. The exhaustion. The feeling that everything in life has disappeared, but hasn't yet been replaced by anything. And have I mentioned the lack of sleep? I have been told that it's all worth it (and I know that this is true, I feel it), and that it won't go on this way forever, but at the moment, it is a wee bit overwhelming.

My big plan is to make a list of things that I really need to keep doing. Blogging will quite likely be on that list. But first, I think I'll go and take a nap.

The joys of one-handed typing

One of the first photos, at about a couple of hours old
I seem to have lost the use of one of my hands (actually the whole arm, but it's the hand that's important for typing). Right now, it's my left hand that has become disabled, but in a few minutes, the paralysis could shift to my right side. As I am very right-handed, this would be somewhat difficult, so I'll try to make it quick. I'll assume that the last post, and the comments there make it clear what strange ailment has befallen me. Well, you can't expect me to set her down, can you? She might get cold.

Still the first day, with the proud daddy
So, a quick official report: When I said in my last post that I was "just waiting patiently for something to happen", I neglected to mention that my water had broken some 3-4 hours before, and I had been told to go to the hospital a couple of hours after. I had not started to have contractions, by the way, so there was no rush. Contractions started on the way to the hospital (starting at 2-3 minutes apart, for those who watch hospital drama shows and want to know these things), became painful shortly after arrival to the hospital, progressed unusually quickly, led to all appropriate phases of labor, and at what would ordinarily be called lunchtime, I was suddenly a mother. Vital stats can be seen in Thor's comment in the last post, so I won't repeat them here.

What a difference 4 days makes
Then, rather than being sent home after 4-6 hours because of the strike, we ended up in the maternity ward for 4 nights, although both I and my daughter came out of the labor room perfectly healthy. It was a case of slightly low birth-weight (not for me, sadly...I'm still in my maternity clothes, and will be for some time) and lack of keenness to nurse leading to worries that she might lose too much and become sickly, leading to a very long drawn-out process of supplemental feedings, daily weighings, and all sorts of complicated things, all the while stuck, well, in the hospital. So, it was fairly surreal, and about 3 nights too long.

:-D
Otherwise, though, it was exactly what I had hoped for and envisioned. Namely a quick labor - my mother had very quick labors for both me and my brother, and I had long hoped that there was something hereditary there...apparently, there is. But not so quick that I wouldn't be able to use a tub - I labored in the tub for about a half hour or so towards the end, and would recommend it to anyone (even if you aren't in labor, or if you're not pregnant, or not a woman). And the end result, magical. Everything about her is amazing. I'm in awe at the sheer potential of her, she could become anything, beyond my meagre powers to imagine.

I'd tell you more...but you're not reading this are you? You're just staring at the pictures. I don't blame you, she is quite entrancing. Although I'll be trying desperately (and possibly futilely) to keep this not a mommy blog, I'm sure she'll be making at least occasional appearances.