kimananda's house of fortune

The house has moved

2011-01-08T14:50:00.002+01:00

And changed names. So, the 3 people left who might see this, you are more than welcome at the new place. To get there, click here.

Old year, new year

2009-12-31T13:53:00.000+01:00

A melancholy end to an old old year, ready to be packed up and placed in the basement. The start of a fresh new year, full of splintery shiny new words thrown out to the world in the hopes that the world might pick some of them up and play with them. But be careful. Words can be sharp.

Bureaucracy

2009-06-07T14:06:00.003+02:00

So, I recently sent in my forms and documents to Danish immigration in hopes of getting permanent residency here. Actually, I applied 3 months ago, but at that time sent in the wrong form (for EU citizens...I thought it seemed a bit short...). Immigration was kind enough to send me the proper forms along with a form letter explaining my mistake. And, according to the form letter, I can apparently expect an answer to my quest within six months of applying correctly. Yay!

But I can't help but note that sending the form letter and forms alone took Immigration 2 months.

*Photo info: The view a month ago from down the street from my house (though admittedly, it's a long street)*

Optimism

2009-04-22T23:35:00.000+02:00

I was first drawn to this because, well, cool car. But then I became aware of what is really going on.

Consider that it rained earlier today (only a bit, but still). Then consider that this is Denmark, where rain should be expected at any and all times. Finally consider that there is nowhere near this car where the owner could just pop in to take care of business in a few seconds. This is what I would consider optimistic behavior.

In honor of flower day

2009-03-01T20:15:00.004+01:00

It's been a while since I've shown my girl off in blogland. But today is a big day -- she can now say that she's been alive in all the months of the year. She looks from this photo like she may have a career as a d.j. And why the flower get-up? Fastelavn.

Too lazy to not cross-post

2009-02-17T21:05:00.000+01:00

Yes, it's from Facebook. I spend far too long on that site...I'm not even going to change the instructions for how to do this yourself on Facebook. Because when I say lazy, I really mean LAZY. And I won't tag anyone as I can't imagine I still have any readers at all at this point. But if you want to read this, and then do it yourself, then feel free, and I'd love to read the results (as indicated in #25).

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 RANDOM THINGS, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.

1. I can procrastinate more than anyone I know, and I know some mean procrastinators. All things considered, it's sort of surprising that I can hold down a job, or that I've finished university.

2. The thing I most looked forward to when I moved to Denmark was learning a new language.

3. I met my boyfriend on the Camino de Santiago, the French version. Because as everyone knows, the best place to meet Danish men is in the North of Spain.

4. I bite my cuticles, and have done for about most of my life. I rate the durability of my romantic relationships by how bothered the other person is by this (so, the more bothered they are, the more I figure they care).

5. If I won the lottery, or landed a super-high paying job, I'd outsource all housecleaning.

6. I once intended to start a collection of first edition books. My intention led to me buying the first three Books of Blood, and a first edition copy of Pornucopia. Then I stopped collecting.

7. Growing up, we always had a dog in the family. I miss having a dog in the house. I tried to make up for that gap with sea monkeys. It wasn't the same.

8. All food can be improved by one or more items from the following list: vanilla, ginger, garlic, balsamic vinegar, chocolate.

9. I do regularly attempt to not spend so much time on-line. The key word being 'attempt'.

10. After my studies of bilingualism, I will probably take it very personally if Idunn doesn't end up being really competent in English.

11. I loathe and somewhat fear talking on the phone. I will go to occasionally ludicrous lengths to avoid doing it.

12. I'm still planning to run a marathon. Eventually. Probably not until next year, maybe in the winter.

13. Although I am settled and happy in Denmark, I would move back to Lisbon in a heartbeat. I have saudades whenever I think about it, and have done pretty much since I left it in the first place, in 2001. It think it's all the comfort food. And the comfort language.

14. I have absolutely no idea how I come across to others. Probably a shy person thing.

15. My hair and I have come to an understanding. I leave it pretty much alone, and it does pretty much what it wants. Life is much easier that way.

16. It's been far too long since I've gone to a completely new country, and even longer since I've gone to a completely new continent.

17. I used to regularly read a book a day. I'm working on getting back to even sort of that level of textual interaction. Of course, at that point, it was fiction, and now I'm mostly reading non-fiction, which takes me longer.

18. I check for my brother multiple times a day on iChat. If he's there, I chat with him. If he's not there, I log off again.

19. I forgot to cash a paycheck I received shortly before moving to Portugal. I found it years later when cleaning out my stuff in California. I still have the check somewhere.

20. It's kind of weird how many random people I've reconnected with on Facebook. By reconnected, I mean that they're on my friend list. I really should take the time to actually write to them or something. See item #1 at this point....

21. I'm madly deeply in love with a 9-month old girl. It's kind of spooky. Thor gets offended when I refer to her as the love of my life. But he can't get too upset, because, well, she's the love of his life, too.

22. I miss my regular blog...but at the same time, I seem to have totally run out of anything to write about on a personal blog.

23. Since April, I have discovered a new ability to sing any song, badly, with made-up baby lyrics instead of the original ones.

24. I am not good at taking compliments. They make me nervous, and usually I don't really believe them.

25. I've really been enjoying everyone else's 25 things, and I hope to read even more of them.

Oh, so THAT'S what I'm doing...

2008-12-02T19:20:00.000+01:00

I've never been a joiner. I can still recall my amusement after the first time I voted, spending time reading about each candidate, proposal, local initiative, and making up my mind on each specific thing, then seeing a 'how to vote' sign hanging on a doorway on another dorm room and realizing that I had (with a couple very minor exceptions) voted a straight democratic party ticket. Or my discomfiture upon finding out that all those ideas of religion and morality that I had pieced together over the course of much of my adult life, and which I felt were so unique to me, brought me to almost exactly the dictionary definition of secular humanism.

And, now with blogging. I was happily doing my own thing, writing when the urge struck, trying to have something interesting to say, but nothing too prolific, nothing about much of anything. Not too fussed about how many readers I had. And then I read this. A movement to write thought-through meaningful posts, and not too often, quality over quantity. I clearly am following at least half of that formula. The question is, do I want to admit that it's o.k. to join stuff, and to embrace the slow blogger label, as I have embraced the label of secular humanist (and to a lesser extent, the label of democrat), or is it time to rebel, write all the time on topical issues? O.K., who am I kidding, as the primary caretaker of an increasingly mobile and active infant, when would I have the time to write like that? Whether I am a slow blogger or not, I will be blogging slowly for the foreseeable future. So there, now it's official.

Just to put things in perspective...

2008-10-31T07:50:00.000+01:00

So, earlier this month, we did the Portuguese Camino de Santiago, from the cathedral in Porto to the cathedral in Santiago de Compostela, about 240 kilometers worth of hiking. 13 days of hiking, carrying backpacks (and in Thor's case, also carrying a 6 kilo baby in a front carrier) on the sides of very busy highways without much in the way of margins, up and down what appeared to be old riverbeds, through some industrial area, but also a lot of green foresty areas, by vineyards being harvested, and through small villages. We started hiking at around 8 each morning (so, when it became light), and finished each day at around 2 or so in the afternoon.

And then, after arriving, and spending a day resting in Santiago, we rented a car to do a bit of a Portuguese/Spanish roadtrip before flying back to Denmark from Madrid. We picked up the car at a bit before 10am, and started to drive towards Lisbon, where we were to meet with some of my old friends from when I lived there. And found ourselves driving back through our starting point of Porto (well, o.k., past it on the motorway) right around lunchtime.

Moral of the story: there are many ways, and many speeds in which to do things. Each have its place, but sometimes, it's good to take the slower path.

Of Facebook groups, babies, and elections

2008-10-01T22:46:00.003+02:00

I try to avoid video links here, but I really can't help but post this one. You've most likely all seen it before, probably multiple times.

It's funny, and sad, because it's so scarily accurate. Which gets me thinking about a Facebook group I recently came across (and joined), 'I have more Foreign Policy Experience than Sarah Palin', which as of today has 171 thousand members. In fact, it occurs to me that my 5-month old daughter has more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin. Yes, it's true. She's been to one foreign country, and will be touring 2 more in the next few weeks. She's bicultural, and exposed regularly to two different languages. And, in the various groups that she attends, she interacts with babies from many different countries, and is equally at ease with all of them. Add to that her 'tell it like it is' approach to problem solving, and why shouldn't she be considered for Vice President?

So, I suppose this means that I'm really not a Republican?

39x365 #29: Me

2008-09-30T21:59:00.000+02:00

Hopefully smart, some have said cute. Occasional queen of procrastination, still getting the balance right on the new parenting gig, but enjoying it immensely. Striving to get back to writing and research, with not enough success yet. Currently optimistic.

A few minor notes on this 39x365. First, o.k., I'm not technically a person who I have met, but then again, I do know myself, don't I? At least somewhat. Second, I know that I'm not 39 anymore, and that at the rate I'm going, I'll be at least 50 by the time I finish, but I'll stick to the 39 word limit anyway, for continuity.

Happy Birthday!

2008-08-02T23:26:00.000+02:00

Yes, today is my brother's birthday. Let's all celebrate. I celebrated earlier with a cupcake (well, two) in his honor...in particular a kajkage, or Kaj Cake, named after the Danish children's character Kaj, who is, as you can see, a frog. I meant to take a close up photo of its marzipan-covered, cake and pink cream filled goodness, but didn't. I believe this photo will suffice.

Now it is your turn. Your homework (well, I may be on maternity leave, but I am still a teacher) is to get some cake of your own, eat it, too, and then leave a comment telling all about the experience. Birthday wishes will most likely also be appreciated.

*Photo courtesy of http://okej.wordpress.com/category/gedankensplitter/*

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

2008-07-31T19:16:00.000+02:00

My favorite Douglas Adams quote, just because it describes so much of my life. And because I sense that he really meant it, and also really lived it (his writer's block seems to have been legendary).

For example, with this blog. Would you believe me, dear reader, if I told you that I had forgotten about it? Well, o.k., not totally, but almost. You see, I have been writing a daily post for the past month, just not here (and not in a public forum), and it only occasionally has hit me that I haven't been here.

That should change soon...but I make no guarantees, just because, what do I really have to talk about? I seem to be restructuring my life from first principles, which is very exciting. To me. To anyone else, well, probably not so much. But I miss this forum, so I'm setting a deadline, of sorts. I hereby promise to write at least every month on this blog, preferably every week. Every day is probably not realistic at this point.

So, now let's see what happens. Ready...set...blog!

*No, this post is not about her. This blog is also not about her (I keep her stuff for the private blog). But, really, how else can I entice you all to stay long enough to read this?*

Happy (almost) birthday!

2008-06-27T12:49:00.000+02:00

Yes, it's almost that time again. On Monday, this blog will be officially 3 years old. And what a year it's been. Between the periods of everyday posting and all the big periods of no posts at all, my poor blog must feel very confused. It'll be interesting to see what happens over the next year.

In the meantime, here's a list of my main achievements over the past few weeks. I've actually managed to...

...finish a book. Yes, a whole book. Alas, not a very complicated one, but still....

...shop on-line. You can see part of my biggest purchase being modeled by my personal fashion model. The scarf, compliments of Devil Mood's Etsy shop (I can't seem to link to Etsy at the moment, but you can get to it through Ms. Mood's site)

...see a movie. Not in the cinema, though cinemas here do have 'bring-your-baby' showings of films on one morning a week. On the computer.

...eat breakfast and/or lunch on most days. Some days, I manage to eat both.

What I haven't managed to do...read anything of any depth, write (including e-mails), blog. Or go on holiday. I'm off now to remedy the lack of holiday, and will see how much of the other things can get done over that time. I'll be away from the internet, so I can guarantee a continuing lack of posts for at least the next week.

The reason I've borrowed a television

2008-06-09T22:45:00.000+02:00

I should feel traitorous for saying this, as my loyalties should be with my chosen team, Portugal. In my defense, I do also like several other teams, and gladly root for them (except of course when they're playing against Portugal). In this tournament, my chosen alternates are Holland and Spain (not in this tournament, I root for England, and it's odd to not have them playing here). Oh, and I also have teams I enjoy rooting against. In this tournament, Germany and Italy (not in this tournament, Argentina and the US).

But after that game, I really really want Holland to win it all. Even more than the Portugal over Spain final I dreamt of in the last post. I can't help it...Holland just play such lovely football. Does that make me a bad person? A bad fan? By the way, these may or may not be rhetorical questions.

We interrupt this blog for a Euro 2008 delusion

2008-06-07T23:08:00.001+02:00

Two games down, 28 more to go before Portugal can defeat Spain in the Euro 2008 final game.

Yes both teams mentioned in this delusion are known as much for their chronic underachieving as for anything else. But a girl can dream, can't she?

Happy Towel Day!

2008-05-25T22:41:00.000+02:00

It's hard to believe that a whole year has gone by since my last post about Towel Day, that day where we remember all the greatness that was Douglas Adams. Today is coincidentally also Geek Pride Day. Consider that anyone who celebrates Towel Day therefore also celebrates Geek Pride Day, sort of by definition. Kind of a two for the price of one.

It hit me earlier today that this day last year was also the day I flew home to California to spend a last bit of time with my mom. It's amazing to think of all that has happened since then, stuff that clearly is yet to be sorted through. What has marked you over this last Towel Day year?

Coming up for air

2008-05-23T22:12:00.000+02:00

I'm still amazed at the very human capacity to change. No, not change, but transform, so that it's like everything before the change is simply wiped away. And seeing the change happening doesn't make it any less mysterious, less magical.

In just four short weeks, I find that I've always been a parent, that my daughter has always been here, and will always be here (and has always been, and will always be, a newborn, so more transformative change is sure to come from that). This means, among other things, that it's getting easier (I wouldn't say easy, yet) to build routines, to get things done. Now, I just need to figure out when to blog, and what to blog about (mommy blogging still really not an attractive option).

39x365 #28: Eva

2008-05-14T23:06:00.001+02:00

Creatress of fine knitted goods for one special baby, purveyor of coffee, tea and homemade cakes to parents as a means to spend time with aforementioned baby. We would have visited anyway, but are glad to accept good hospitality.

The whole world is shrinking

2008-05-12T22:18:00.000+02:00

And actually, it's quite alright. Everything I focus on, obsess about, is something that I've never had the opportunity to consider before. So, maybe my world is actually enlarging?

Some things in my newborn world which have recently amused me and/or made me happy: baby hiccoughs, that cool sort of Sufi-like dance which newborns do in light sleep, every tiny outfit, all the eagerness to visit the baby and all the visitors, testing early reflexes, taking advantage of a sleeping baby's limp limbs to lead them in dance moves (disco is a particular favorite), paparazzi-ing the baby, everything which goes into the baby, and even everything which comes out.

The simple life

2008-05-11T22:28:00.001+02:00

I've always had a problem keeping things simple...I just expect too much, and worry too much, for the kind of relaxed minimalism that I find appealing. But it seems a bit easier now. Here you can see my menu for last week. We sort of kept to it, but not really. What else can be done to simplify life? What things do you do which you might recommend?

39x365 #27: Suzanne

2008-05-09T23:36:00.001+02:00

My classmate in London, conducting PhD research into bilingualism. You wrote a book on raising bilingual children, undoubtedly influenced by your own French/English speaking family. It occurs to me that I should be finding the finished product about now.

The grossest job on Earth?

2008-05-08T23:08:00.003+02:00

It had never hit me before just how much of motherhood is concerned with bodily fluids. Not to mention bodily solids and bodily gasses. Really, when the biggest laugh of the day concerns a combination of crying and actively smelly projectile diarrhea farts, well that must mean that you've become a mother. Can any experienced parents let me know about how long this phase can be expected to last?

Thor to our daughter: You are so young, and yet you are already an expert in chemical warfare.

39x365 #26: Girl in Japanese restaurant

2008-05-07T22:35:00.002+02:00

A field trip to a Japanese restaurant, clearly your first experience with Japanese cuisine. You pre-ordered sashimi and lobster, but were not expecting raw fish and a live lobster. The waiter grudgingly allowed you to change your order.

Afternoon off

2008-05-06T22:09:00.003+02:00

I'm sort of on strike. Since mid-afternoon, in bed, enjoying the warmth and irregular newborn breathing of the pixie-faced, diaper-clad baby lying on my stomach. My man-servant on call, willing and able to ensure my comfort. I plan to stay here, reading, internetting, but mainly just relaxing, for as long as possible.

What about you? What have you been up to?

Happy Liberation Day

2008-05-05T22:58:00.000+02:00

Today marks the anniversary of the end of Nazi occupation of Denmark. Liberation Day. Freedom Day. In this case, freedom from occupation, but also a day to ponder other freedoms, other liberations. What is freedom? What do we need to be free from?

Recently, I find myself battling old demons in new guises. I know that sounds veiled and mysterious, but it really isn't. Just that it's too mundane to really make sense put into words in a public forum. I am battling (and winning, I believe, but it'll be a long battle) with questions like, what is motherhood? What does it mean to be a good mother? What does it mean to have balance in life? What counts as a relationship? And the answer to all of these, to some extent, is freedom. Being liberated from the necessity of finding a 'right' answer to a big question (or any question). Being liberated from the necessity of finding a permanent answer to questions. Being mindful of both questions and answers, yet aware that both of these constructs are tenuous at best.

What, for you, is freedom, liberation? What battles are you waging, and how do you think the fight is going?

39x365 #25: Kt

2008-05-04T21:07:00.000+02:00

My long ago long-term lunch partner. Mother of two young-ladies-in-training. One of my many motherhood role models, the right amount of caring and laid-back. Which would be of more use except we’re both so bad at keeping in touch.

Now, I understand it all

2008-05-03T20:34:00.001+02:00

On a visceral level, I mean. The tiredness. The total inability to get anything done, even when the baby is asleep. The exhaustion. The feeling that everything in life has disappeared, but hasn't yet been replaced by anything. And have I mentioned the lack of sleep? I have been told that it's all worth it (and I know that this is true, I feel it), and that it won't go on this way forever, but at the moment, it is a wee bit overwhelming.

My big plan is to make a list of things that I really need to keep doing. Blogging will quite likely be on that list. But first, I think I'll go and take a nap.

The joys of one-handed typing

2008-05-01T17:57:00.002+02:00

One of the first photos, at about a couple of hours old
I seem to have lost the use of one of my hands (actually the whole arm, but it's the hand that's important for typing). Right now, it's my left hand that has become disabled, but in a few minutes, the paralysis could shift to my right side. As I am very right-handed, this would be somewhat difficult, so I'll try to make it quick. I'll assume that the last post, and the comments there make it clear what strange ailment has befallen me. Well, you can't expect me to set her down, can you? She might get cold.

Still the first day, with the proud daddy
So, a quick official report: When I said in my last post that I was "just waiting patiently for something to happen", I neglected to mention that my water had broken some 3-4 hours before, and I had been told to go to the hospital a couple of hours after. I had not started to have contractions, by the way, so there was no rush. Contractions started on the way to the hospital (starting at 2-3 minutes apart, for those who watch hospital drama shows and want to know these things), became painful shortly after arrival to the hospital, progressed unusually quickly, led to all appropriate phases of labor, and at what would ordinarily be called lunchtime, I was suddenly a mother. Vital stats can be seen in Thor's comment in the last post, so I won't repeat them here.

What a difference 4 days makes
Then, rather than being sent home after 4-6 hours because of the strike, we ended up in the maternity ward for 4 nights, although both I and my daughter came out of the labor room perfectly healthy. It was a case of slightly low birth-weight (not for me, sadly...I'm still in my maternity clothes, and will be for some time) and lack of keenness to nurse leading to worries that she might lose too much and become sickly, leading to a very long drawn-out process of supplemental feedings, daily weighings, and all sorts of complicated things, all the while stuck, well, in the hospital. So, it was fairly surreal, and about 3 nights too long.

:-D
Otherwise, though, it was exactly what I had hoped for and envisioned. Namely a quick labor - my mother had very quick labors for both me and my brother, and I had long hoped that there was something hereditary there...apparently, there is. But not so quick that I wouldn't be able to use a tub - I labored in the tub for about a half hour or so towards the end, and would recommend it to anyone (even if you aren't in labor, or if you're not pregnant, or not a woman). And the end result, magical. Everything about her is amazing. I'm in awe at the sheer potential of her, she could become anything, beyond my meagre powers to imagine.

I'd tell you more...but you're not reading this are you? You're just staring at the pictures. I don't blame you, she is quite entrancing. Although I'll be trying desperately (and possibly futilely) to keep this not a mommy blog, I'm sure she'll be making at least occasional appearances.

Happy, erm, happy...erm, where are you again?

2008-04-25T06:58:00.000+02:00

At some point, I decided that this would be a good day to give birth, because it's my dad's birthday. And of course, because it's a big day in Portgual. And then I found out that it's an equally big day in Italy. And now, I realize that it's also ANZAC day (why did it never hit me that ANZAC day is on my dad's birthday?) According to this, it was even a holiday for the Roman empire. How cool is that?

So, now, it's up to the baby to decide to be born. I'm just waiting patiently for something to happen. Oh, and if she isn't here today, then she has orders to wait until May. Which of course she'll obey. In the meantime, while I'm waiting, let me wish you all a happy (insert name of preferred April 25th holiday here).

*Photo from http://www.navigators.di.fc.ul.pt/rtss04/. It is, of course, the 25th of April bridge, in my first adopted hometown of Lisbon. I used to regularly tell people there that it was a very nice gesture to celebrate the day, and to name their bridge in honor of my dad's birthday, but that really, wasn't it a bit much?*

39x365 #24: Prof. Robinson

2008-04-24T21:59:00.000+02:00

Professor of literature, resident of a Zen Center, you were the real Zen deal. Your class on religion and literature was punctuated by periodic use of a singing bowl, which enchanted everyone else but put me slightly on edge.

39x365 #23: Buddhist ex-coworker

2008-04-23T22:11:00.000+02:00

After a lifetime of flirting with Zen, your non-Zen Buddhism intrigued me. Alas, one lunch with you, and it was clear that your sect, encouraging repeated mantra praying as a way to material success, was deeply not for me.

Happy Human Day

2008-04-22T19:31:00.001+02:00

Just to show that I occasionally still have brain cells to think about the world at large, a post about Earth Day. I approve of Earth Day, I encourage all to participate in it in any and all inventive and imaginative ways. But after a day spent in part thinking about the significance of it, my one recurring thought is a memory of a Lauren Becker essay (delivered as the introduction to a Point of Inquiry podcast from around Earth Day 2006) on the real meaning behind the yearly event. Her point is that none of this is about saving the Earth because, let's fact it, the Earth was here long before we were and will certainly outsurvive us. What we're really trying to preserve is ourselves, who are as a species far more vulnerable.

This really resonates with me. Not least because everything on this planet is interconnected. Because our actions towards the environment, the Earth and everything on it, do affect our future. But also because humans as a species are self-centered survivalists, just as we should be. Is this cynicism? Realism? I have no idea.

What are your thoughts on this day? Have you done, or will you do anything particular to commemorate it? What do you do throughout the year to help save the humans?

*Photo credit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Earth_flag_PD.jpg*

The thin edge of the wedge?

2008-04-21T22:19:00.001+02:00

I used to be such a model pregnant woman. I don't smoke, or use any illegal substances. I didn't drink very much before getting pregnant, and so had no trouble cutting the rest out. Barring one fateful encounter with a white chocolate coffee in my second month, or possibly because of that encounter, I have stayed away from caffeine. I refuse to consume any type of seafood, or any herbal tea, or any other suspect material, without first doing an online search to determine its safety. And of course, I would not be taking any medicine for anything at all until well after the birth.

Luckily I've had it relatively easy. No morning sickness, no major back pain, nothing really. Well, except for a bit of heartburn, which I have had to some degree or other since early on, increasing gradually in intensity, but not serious. Well, unless periodic projectile vomiting (you know, the kind where you get to not only vomit, but also clean the entire bathroom afterwards, which is especially pleasant at 2am) is considered serious? Or not really feeling like eating because I'd then feel like I was going to projectile vomit, except that I'd also get that feeling from not eating? When I'd mention my 'sure opstød' to my doctor or my midwife, I'd hear that, well, I certainly could take something for it. Which would lead to me smiling politely, writing down the suggested treatment, and then ignoring it.

Until the last, and most spectacular erm, incident. When I was finally compelled (and nagged) into buying the stuff whose name I had so politely written down. It's fairly innocuous (the fine print clearly states that the product can be taken during pregnancy), binds to stomach acid, and can be taken whenever I want, in whatever quantity I'd like. And, what's even better, it works. I started by popping them like candy. Now, I've cut back to just a couple one or two times a day. I no longer dread going to bed (if you've ever had heartburn, you'll know that it's not compatible with being in a horizontal position), and have now had almost a full week of my meals staying where I put them.

I don't even feel guilty about it. But now my heartburn is less, I find myself considering treating all the other minor ailments which I've learned to just live with. Like that cough I've had since the middle of the second trimester. Or the snoring. Thor would certainly appreciate if I got something to take care of the snoring. Maybe something to take to keep my feet from swelling in the evenings? Where will it end? Maybe by skipping all natural ways of easing the pain of labor and going straight for the morphine? Maybe I'd be better off just taking up smoking and heavy drinking?

*No photo credit: My idea was to have a current belly photo with this post, but truth be told, I'm just too huge. I can't bring myself to put that kind of abdominal girth on the blogosphere.*

Full moon madness?

2008-04-20T23:07:00.000+02:00

Apparently, it's the full moon tonight. Which I wouldn't normally know anything about (unless I happened to go out at night at look up, and even then, I'd probably think, 'hey that looks pretty round...I wonder if it's full yet, or a day or so off?), except that my favorite pregnancy board is now full of posts of all sorts from women who seem varying degrees of sure that they'll go into labor around, oh, now. This goes along with all those who think that accidents happen more, and thus that hospitals are fuller during the full moon. Or that insanity is more likely during the full moon.

This is in contrast to controlled studies, which, if I recall correctly, show no correlation between the full moon and any of those things. Which doesn't mean that I won't try blaming the moon for my moodiness today. But I don't expect to go into labor anytime so soon. I did however check the calendar for all of my relatives for whom I could remember their exact birthday. None of us were born anywhere near a full moon, nor was there a pattern for when we were born, for example near the new moon. I blame it all on confirmation bias (which is generally an easy mark for explaining all sorts of weird beliefs).

The bottom line though, is that I may not believe in them, but old wives tales like this are intriguing (and of course, in some cases, do have a basis in fact). Are there any such tales that I'm missing about the moon?

*Photo credit: http://www.dta.it/gallery/moon_planets.html*

39x365 #22: Jesus

2008-04-19T22:16:00.001+02:00

Not Christ, but a bearer of his name. When you dressed as your namesake that one Halloween, complete with lifelike cardboard cross (carried with the proper sacrificial aura) it was not surprising that you won all the school awards.

Happy Big Prayer Day

2008-04-18T22:49:00.001+02:00

I came very close to calling this post 'More about zombies' (well, isn't the whole point of Christianity that Jesus rose from the dead and roamed the Earth?), but I really don't like to be that confrontative about my own non-religiosity. So, I'll just wish you all a happy holiday (it's Big Prayer Day, which is a direct translation from the Danish, Store Bededag). I like the idea behind the holiday, to consolidate all the little holidays so that people can actually get some work done. Or should I say, I like the idea in theory. In practice, it's nice to have lots of little holidays.

In honor of such a religious occasion, the day was spent attending Thor's nephew's confirmation. The ceremony, held at the church where the above crucifixion is to be found, followed by a typically Danish multi-hour reception. Which was a lot more fun than it sounds (though I find my endurance is not what it has been). But also a bit worrying, not because of what it was, but because of what I suspect it will represent to my unborn daughter. It's a big deal here, from what I can tell. Not least of which because those getting confirmed get a lot of very lucrative gifts from relatives. Which I don't consider a good reason to profess faith to a religion...but I don't think I would have agreed with the current incarnation of me when I was 13 or 14 years old.

I realize that I have many years before I need to confront this issue, but I really am not comfortable with the whole idea of it (both because I am not religious, but particularly as I am not from a Christian background). But for now, I suppose I should just accept that it was a nice day out. I hope your Big Prayer Day was also good, and that any big prayers you may have had will be answered in some way.

'When there is no more room in hell the dead shall roam the bars.'

2008-04-17T20:15:00.000+02:00

I am not normally a big zombie-film watcher. I don't usually participate in events where I would be expected to dress up. I am enormously pregnant, and could give birth at any moment. So, of course I must do this. Actually, because I am enormously pregnant, I must do this. Because, let's face it, what could be cooler than a highly-pregnant zombie?

Would anyone like to join me?

*Photo credit: http://current.com/items/88863566_scandal_intrigue_on_capitol_hill_pregnant_moms_drugs_baby_zombie_uprising*

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

2008-04-16T21:30:00.001+02:00

I've taken care of some last minute business, and am now truly ready to embrace being on leave. And I'm more than a bit overwhelmed. I can transform myself, in any way I wish, in this time that I will have. It's the time to start a true interior Spring cleaning (and, why not an exterior one as well while I'm at it).

Is it too late in the season? And where do I start? I'm feeling a deep need for some Camino de Santiago yellow arrows to guide my way.

*Photo: Yep, I took this on the Camino. I have no idea where I was at that point, but this could have been just about anywhere on the way.*

Me, and all the others who aren't going to work tomorrow

2008-04-15T22:17:00.000+02:00

I am now officially on maternity leave. It's a strange feeling, and will only feel stranger as the days go on. And I'm not the only one who isn't going to work tomorrow. Actually, enormous numbers of day-care workers, nurses, and, most importantly for me, midwives, will also be on a leave of sorts. Which is to say, on strike.

It's been a question that keeps coming up, about what I will do if I go into labor during the strike, so it seems logical to write about it here. Of course, there's no guarantee that the strike will still be on when my daughter decides to make her grand entrance into the world, as there's no knowing how long the strike will last. In the past, I've heard, such actions have been ended after hours by parliament passing a law ordering the striking workers to go back to work. But there seems to be a sense that this will not be what happens this time, though I suppose we'll all find out for sure tomorrow.

The strange thing is, that although a strike has been rumored and talked about and now planned for a while, we can't seem to find out all the things we'd like to know about what this all actually means for me. I know that I can forget about the tour of the maternity ward which I had hoped to go on this week, and that my midwife appointment for next week is cancelled if the strike is still on (which I assume it will be). Any emergencies or urgent questions, there is a hotline set up, or I suppose I could make an appointment with my regular family doctor. I know that, or at least I assume (I haven't heard anything one way or the other) that I can go to the hospital when I'm in labor, and have my child there. Everything else is conjecture, and assumes that all hospitals will follow roughly the same procedures.

I must confess, I think everything will turn out o.k. The one issue might be the length of stay after the birth. The one hospital in the greater Copenhagen area which has issued what seems to be a full statement (or fuller than the one my hospital has on its website anyway) indicates that (of course barring complications) women having their babies there will be sent home four hours after giving birth. Some women would probably want this anyway, but many women choose to take advantage of the opportunity to stay for two nights, with their partner and of course the baby rooming in. I'd like to do this, too, and it will be very disappointing if I have to go home so soon. Not the end of the world, but not the way I'd like to do things. Though it seems logical; medical supervision for birth is an essential service, giving new parents a chance to get to know their babies before taking them home clearly isn't.

So, in short, what else can I say? I sympathize with the striking workers. I'd prefer they carried out their strike in, oh, June? But of course that has everything to do with me, and nothing to do with them.

Cure for what ails you

2008-04-14T22:09:00.000+02:00

I lied when I said I was not a materialist. Because there's one place where I am, a bit. Food. I'm not a gourmet, but I am able to spend money on food that I wouldn't spend on anything else. Because 1) even really expensive food is not so expensive when you compare it to things like computer items or designer clothing, and 2) it eventually gets eaten, allowing the consumer to maintain some delusion of minimalism.

And, in the case of ice cream, I would like to convince myself that it helps with heartburn, in the same way that milk is supposed to. My anecdotal evidence swears to me that it works. More rationally, it doesn't really make a difference, but I listen to the anecdote because it gives me an excuse to eat more ice cream.

On a not very related note, this is the silliest post I've written in a long time (and that's saying something. I write silly stuff all the time). Please help me make it all better by telling me your stories. In what areas are you willing and able to splurge? And if/when you splurge on food and drink, what food or drink do you buy?

*Photo credit: one of my all-time favorites, though not the only one I like by any means, http://bestuff.com/stuff/ben-and-jerrys-cookie-dough*

Life is a countdown

2008-04-13T23:26:00.000+02:00

Have you ever gone through a time when all you do is wait for things to happen? I seem to be getting in that mode. Of course, I mean counting down for the birth, but not only that. Especially because I don't know when that will be.

In the meantime, I'm counting down the time until I'm on maternity leave. The time until I can stop travelling outside the Copenhagen area. The time when I will send my latest phd proposal out (which will look scarily untouched since the last time I sent it). Until the possible midwife strike, at which point, if it happens (and it seems likely that it will), I'll start counting down until when it might be resolved. Until I am able to get all the things I need so that we are totally ready for a newborn in our house. Until I am just too tired to leave the house.

So, is it just me? Are you counting down anything, and if so, what?

That's just swell.

2008-04-12T23:29:00.000+02:00

I feel the beginning of the end. Marked by my shoes being much tighter than they were yesterday. My fingers a bit swollen, not so much different to look at, but they feel funny when bent into a fist. My heartburn actually seems to be a bit better, but that could be just a delusion. Apparently, my snoring continues the same.

Countdown is at less than a month. We're as ready as we can be considering that there's no way that we could possibly be ready for such a life-changing addition. I'm having daily talks with Squirmy (there's clearly no room left for kicking, so instead she wriggles and squirms) about when she can come out, when she can't, which days work better for my schedule or fit with my image of 'wouldn't that be a cool day to give birth because...'. Is she listening? If she is, does she have any kind of prenatal conceptual awareness of such things as 'April', 'May'? Does she know her days of the week? I'm not holding out much hope.

Now if only she will either come before or wait until after all the midwifes go on strike.

Speaking (or rather meme-ing) about spiritual matters

2008-04-11T23:21:00.001+02:00

It's been a long time since any memes have been filled out in this internet space, but that will now change. This one's an interesting one, full of questions on things that I don't believe in. Which means that it might end up being quite short. Or, more likely, not. It was nabbed from fellow Virgo Monkey Dok Holocaust.

Astrological Sign? Virgo. Which makes sense if one considers the spirit of the sign, rather than the literal description that books give of the sign. So, for example, I have no domesticity to speak of, but my cd's are always in alphabetical order by artist, chronological within each artist. I am great at thinking of systems, though crap at actually ever implementing them. That sort of thing.

Chinese Astrological Sign? Monkey. I always like the description of this sign, but have never quite been able to see myself in the description. Maybe on a very very good day, where I'm inspired to act totally unlike myself.

What are you currently setting your intention on or praying for? I'm not the praying type. My intentions are to get some work done so that I have something to say in a meeting on that work next week. At the rate I'm going, we'll see how it goes.

Who do you pray to? I don't.

Do you believe God created humans or humans evolved from primordial goo? No. I believe that we are the result of evolution, but have no opinion on primordial goo. For my view on God, there's a question a bit further down.

What is your mantra? I've never had a mantra that's stuck. 'Carpe diem' is a classic, but not really how I've lived my life. 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you' has a rich, biblical feel, and may be closer to reality, but that's not it, either.

Do you believe in Sin? I believe that sometimes people are really stupid, and do stupid things. There may be people who are 'bad people', though my opinion on this isn't really set. But sin? No, I don't think so.

Do you believe in Evil? I sort of see this in the same way I see sin. I'm sure that there are actions or events that can be called evil. As for those involved in these actions or events, I'm sure some are not evil, but stupid, naive, intimidated, etc. If anyone involved in evil can really be just evil, I honestly couldn't say. I'd like to think no, but don't really know that, either.

What do you do when you see 11:11? am or pm?

AM: At the moment, I'm usually at work if it's a workday, or surfing the internet if it's a weekend. Soon I'll be surfing everyday, and then it'll all shift, and I'll be doing something baby-related.

PM: Usually, this is around when I blog, or right after I've blogged, at which point I'm snoring in bed. Soon, it'll all shift, and I'll be doing something baby-related.

Do you believe in Angels? No. I know someone named Angel, and I believe quite strongly that she exists.

Do you believe in God? No, I truly don't, and I feel that through both the good and the bad. However, I don't believe it's possible to disprove the existence of God, either. I consider myself to be a fundamentalist agnostic.

Is there an aspect of your religion/belief that you haven’t made up your mind about? Is there an aspect of my beliefs that I have made up my mind about? Yes, I really do feel that I am an agnostic. I believe the natural world is so amazing just by itself that adding a supernatural layer onto it that doesn't exist is just overdoing it. I realize that many will disagree. The rest is a work in progress, but not much progress is going on because I'm not on a belief-forming path, and am not prioritizing such matters.

Is there a religion that you don’t follow, but deeply respect or admire? I have watched Buddhism from afar for a long time, specifically Zen-type Buddhism. Meditation fascinates me.

Who has inspired you the most on your spiritual path? What spiritual path? I enjoy a few skeptical podcasts. In life overall, my family and friends are important.

In your opinion, what is the worst mistake we make, as a species? Not thinking of the long-term consequences of our actions. Not being willing to make small sacrifices now to make life more livable for all of us later.

What is something you would like to believe, but don’t? I used to study astrology on a very minor level. It, and tarot cards, and suchlike, are wonderful systems in their complexity. I wouldn't say that I would like to believe in them, but it's fun to play with, regardless of their overall level of worth.

Do you believe in soul mates? No, I don't know that I do. I do believe that there can be two people who can have a deep connection and be right for each other. But I don't believe that there is only one such person for any given person, so that if one of the soul mates dies, for example, that there is nowhere else for the surviving partner to go. I think there are many possibilities to have that special connection for each of us.

Reincarnation or heaven? Nothingness, our physical bodies decomposing and returning to the ecosystem. If I could make one true though, I'd go for reincarnation. Actually, it could be argued that by decomposing, we are given the opportunity for a certain kind of reincarnation.

Best “ah ha!” moment/epiphany? The problem with 'aha' moments is that they reveal things that are quite fundamental and basic, so that once the moment is absorbed, it's hard to remember with such clarity. It's just part of who we are at that point. I'm sure I've had many such moments.

Required spiritual reading? I would say, whatever you are inspired to read, then read it. That goes for any type of reading.

If you could pick, in your final moments, what would your last words be? I wouldn't want to focus on last words, but it would be nice to have the nearness of loved ones.

Advice for a lost soul? Accept that by being lost, you have the opportunity to find a completely new path, that you would never have known about otherwise.

A song that encapsulates your beliefs? Hmmm...the last time I was asked about a song, I chose the Grateful Dead, Brokedown Palace. It still fits.

Where I confess to a materialistic moment

2008-04-10T22:45:00.000+02:00

I have a strange relationship with material objects. I like many of them, yet feel that I should be a minimalist, without such objects in my life. It leads to some strange behavior. For example, I will buy the occasional big ticket item (like every few years when I replace my laptop computer), but have a hard time buying tiny things, like clothing or music.

So, on the rare occasion when I discover that there is something small that I need, that I must have, and when I then buy whatever it is, it's such a giant novelty, that I find myself obsessively into whatever it is that I've just bought. It can sometimes border on the unseemly.

Such an event happened today. It actually started a while ago with the stunning realization that, in order to be a cool modern mom, it would be necessary for me to get a truly kick-ass diaper bag. I didn't get this at first...at first I was planning on using a bag that I already owned. Silly me. Add to this realization a visit to a big Danish babystuff store, with a store credit waiting to be spent, and you have all the makings of a classic shopper's high moment.

It's even more attention-getting because I have no intention of using it until I go to the hospital to give birth, when it will be my hospital bag. And it'll be a long wait, because I'm in love now. I didn't bring it out to dinner with a friend, but then mentioned it so many times, that my friend finally asked why I didn't bring it with me. I then declared my love for my bag to Thor many, many times, until I believe he stopped paying attention. I'm considering bringing it into bed with me. I'd show it to you, but then I'd have to take my eyes away from it to focus my camera. But you can see a photo of it here. It's much cooler (especially on the inside) than you can see from the link, though.

A confession of sorts

2008-04-09T23:38:00.000+02:00

First, I'd request that you read this. And then, maybe this. And then, just know that they're both still so very very true. Really, I can blog everyday, but writing one personal e-mail to someone a day? Or calling one person a day? Nah, too difficult! My intentions are totally pure, but follow-through is sadly lacking. Just keep in mind that if you have reason why you should be written to, then at some point, I will write to you. When you least expect it. Or maybe a few days later than that.

My eyes are bleeding

2008-04-08T23:20:00.000+02:00

I love proofreading. Well, I am fond of it anyway. It's such a chance to look closely at language, to analyze my own assumptions on usage and meaning, and often, I get to look at cool documents that I otherwise wouldn't know about.

I hate proofreading. Well, it's a long and tedious process which tends to get dragged on for longer than it should. It makes me feel like my eyes are bleeding.

The next time I agree to proof a very very long document...I won't do it. Ever. Now let's see if I actually remember this post when I next get a request.

*Photo credit, http://www.preproof.bc.ca/*

Culture eats strategy for breakfast

2008-04-07T22:54:00.000+02:00

I had a very interesting interview today. Actually two interviews, or maybe it was just one interview in two parts, I'm not entirely sure. It was a follow-up to the one I did back in February.

It was very surreal in some ways. For one thing, my current gravid condition cannot be hidden in any way. It's my most salient feature. By Danish law, the interviewer is not allowed to notice this, however. And I'm under no obligation to mention it. It's sort of the invisible elephant. For another thing, though I was qualified for the job as it was discussed in the ad (it was worded in a very general way), and while I think I would be able to do the job (assuming an extreme learning curve), the tasks on the job have absolutely zero connection with anything I've ever done in my entire life.

So, I'm still confused. The main thing that stuck in my mind is the article I looked at, in the magazine that was in the interview room, on the role of culture in business. I was skimming more than reading (I had only a few short minutes in between interview parts), so the main thing that I brought from it was a simple sub-heading, 'culture eats strategy for breakfast'. Just like so much of the rest of the whole experience, it sounds really good, but means essentially nothing.

It's been in my head, off and on, since. What is the connection between culture and strategy? Of course culture is important, but is it so very important? Because this multi-national company I was interviewing at is known for its extreme corporate culture.* Would this not eat local culture for breakfast, to some extent?

And what about my culture? I went into the interview with the same attitude that I had in the first one, namely that it was all about having fun with it, and getting the experience. In retrospect, that seems a very Californian approach. A sort of 'we are the center of the universe, so let's go out and sell our worth.'

And that's where my brain starts to fizzle out. So many questions, such a lack of time to ponder them. So, what do you think? Does culture eat strategy for breakfast? Or can the two not sit down at a breakfast meeting together, and discuss business?

*I realize that any of you with any knowledge of the job market in Denmark has just figured out the company in question. Please don't ask, because I won't confirm it. But you're probably right.

*Photo credit, http://www.tamarackwv.com/food_services/breakfast_menu.aspx. It's the kind of breakfast that I'd imagine culture and strategy enjoying together.*

Films to hone your maternal instinct

2008-04-06T23:20:00.000+02:00

Good news (for me, probably not much of any kind of news to anyone else): My childbirth preparation class does not seem to include any videos of actual births.

Bad news following from the good news: After seeing so many films where people watch videos of births to prepare for birth, I feel that I'm missing out.

So, to help myself prepare cinematically, I am in the process of making a list of films which focus on birth and newborns. Here is what I have so far. Feel free to add more in the comments. And yes, I realize that these films don't give a totally rosy perfect picture of how these things are, but it's important to prepare for all eventualities.

1) All films in the Alien series. Because, as I believe I've mentioned before, you never know when a cesarian might be indicated. An added bonus is the strong women in the series, who are good role models for motherhood.

2) Rosemary's Baby. This can teach women to trust their instincts at all stages of pregnancy. And it proves that mothers love their children, no matter how horrific they actually are.

3) The Omen. This is a lesson in keeping your child in sight at all times from immediately after the birth.

4) Humanoids from the Deep. This is one actually that I haven't seen, but was told about. I'm not sure what the moral of this one would be. Maybe that in whatever you think you're suffering, the women in this film have it worse?

O.K., it's up to you now. What films would you suggest, which focus on pregnancy and/or babies. You can see the types of films I'm getting at, but feel free to add others with other feels to them.

39x365 #21: Rex

2008-04-05T16:38:00.000+02:00

Whenever there are siblings, there is always someone who becomes an honorary extra sibling. I’d come home, see no brother, but you asleep on the couch. I’d ask, ‘where’s he at’, and you’d respond (in your sleep) ‘I dunno.’

The mysterious bathtub-free land that I live in

2008-04-04T22:55:00.000+02:00

How can it be that a whole country seemingly has no bathtubs? I mean, of course, there are people in Denmark who own tubs. There must be. I've just never seen their bathrooms. And I know I'm not the only one who thinks about this issue. In any other country, I'd think of someone as strange who was actually looking forward to giving birth...because their birthing room would have a tub. (Actually, all the birthing rooms in the hospital we're birthing at have tubs, except for one. Thor's primary job as birth partner is to make sure that I don't get that heinous tub-free room...is that strange? Actually, maybe I'd prefer you didn't answer that question.)

I am developing a fondness for bathtubs that is far out of proportion to how I actually felt about them when living in a country where there were more of them. Maybe it's the possibility of bubbles. Or rubber duckies. Or just it's easier to miss something when it's gone.

*Photo: from one of the bathroom areas in that hotel in Møn. They don't have any bathtubs either.*

Coffee with Venus

2008-04-03T23:29:00.001+02:00

I'd blame this fascination on my present condition, except that I've been fascinated with her for a long time. On my Christmas holidays, circling her in her protective glass case in the Natural History Museum in Vienna, this fascination was solidified.

I want to invite her to coffee, to find out who she really was, if she was real, or an idealization, or a combination of the real and the ideal. I want to know if she is a representation of someone who holds a special role in her society. Of course, I want to know if she's pregnant (I don't think she looks pregnant, but some seem to disagree with me). I want to know what she thinks she represents.

In the meantime, I made do with having coffee with a group of real women, who symbolize themselves, and good conversation, and support. I did not feel I was missing out on anything, though the Venus of Willendorf apparently couldn't make it.

39x365 #20: Panda

2008-04-02T22:48:00.001+02:00

Not from my childhood, but an integral part of my early adulthood. You have been the basis of a homemade religion, a player of many roles. Always a child magnet, your future undoubtedly includes tooth marks and drool stains.

Happy April Fools' Day

2008-04-01T22:58:00.000+02:00

April 1st: This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three-hundred and sixty-four. (Mark Twain)
I've never thought too much or too highly of April Fools'. I'd rejoice when it was not on a school day. Not that I had any horrible pranks played on me or anything, but I suppose I just didn't (and don't) have that kind of humor. But perhaps I'm beginning to appreciate it on a broader level. In Denmark, it's tradition for the television and media to have a 'aprilsnar' news story, made to look real, but which isn't really. From this year (taken from that authoritative source of all that is, Wikipedia), we learn that:

1) Greenland has been sold to the United States (for about $250 million, which seems like a bargain to me).

2) Single people will get some money from the state every quarter (this mirrors the money the state pays each quarter for those with children). They will also be allowed to start work later on Mondays.

3) Tobacco smoking is a major factor in global warming.

4) A chocolate and ice cream boutique somewhere in Denmark was offering free samples of this season's ice creams earlier today. Flavors include cabbage, bamboo, and gorgonzola.

What I want to know is, how many odd stories which just happen to be true, are reported on April 1st, but nobody believes them? And how many people actually went to that boutique expecting to get a scoop of mock turtle ice cream?

How is it where you are on April 1st? Did you fool anyone, or were you fooled in any interesting ways?

kimananda (2008) (in press)

2008-03-31T08:11:00.005+02:00

Timeline:

Spring, 2006. Write a term paper for a class. Write it quickly, but on a topic close to your heart (in my case, blogging...and tagging...and, well you can read about some of the details here, if you are so inclined). Do pretty well, grade-wise, on the paper, and feel generally quite pleased with yourself.

Autumn, 2006. Take advice to submit the article for publication. Scoff at the advice to submit it to a very very well-known journal in the field, but then submit it anyway. Don't revise it too much before submitting it, because of course it won't be accepted anyway. View it as a way to experience the peer review process.

Spring, 2007. Hear that your article has been accepted. Spend at least an evening rejoicing. Then read the peer reviewers' suggestions for revisions.

Summer, 2007. Spend far too long revising, and/or putting off revising. Despair at ever being done. Fail to understand what can be done to address the reviewers' very reasonable suggestions. Talk to all your friends about it. Send out e-mails for help (which go unanswered). Pull your hair out (metaphorically), and complain to your blog readers. Then, finish the revisions and submit them.

Still Summer, 2007. Find out that your revisions have been accepted. Rejoice, but not in the same exuberant way as for the original acceptance.

Autumn, 2007. After a few last-minute questions, find out that your part is done, the editor's part is done, and the publisher will be in touch to let you know when you'll actually be published.

Winter, 2007/8. Decide that you'll never hear anything, and that you'll never be published. By this point, the article is so old, and your interests have moved on, so you're not too worried. You can put the acceptance on your applications anyway.

Spring, 2008. Find out that you will be published, and when you will be published. Rejoice, and consider that you have only a vague idea at this point of what you actually wrote to begin with!

Summer, 2008. When you will become a published author. Risk being late for work in order to blog announce it. Yay!

What's more scary?

2008-03-30T23:28:00.000+02:00

I used to think that giving birth was the scariest part of pregnancy. But now, I've read about it, and heard about it, and it doesn't seem as scary (which is not to say that it isn't scary, just not as scary).

What is scary now is what if I'm really, really overdue, and end up walking around the size of a small continent for weeks after I should reasonably expect to already have a baby. But my other fear is that she'll arrive really early. I have far too much (non-baby related) that I want and need to do before.

I really can't decide which of these scenarios is scarier. Of course, the scariest is probably that I once again have nothing that I want to blog about which is not baby related. But then again, I did just come home from a childhood preparation course, so I suppose it makes sense.

Time to turn off the lights

2008-03-29T18:31:00.001+01:00

This was first brought to my attention a month ago, and amazingly enough, I was actually reminded of it today. It will be interesting to see if enough turn off their lights tonight, from 8 til 9, to make a difference for anyone looking out the window. I suspect that in my little suburb, we'll be alone in having a candle-lit apartment. But I hope I'm wrong. You can find out more at http://www.earthhour.org/.

I only have a small handful of you who actually read this blog, but are any of you doing this? I'd appreciate knowing how it went in your area. The buzz in my household is a recent newspaper article, the idea of which is that the candles everyone will be using will give off more CO2 than that saved by not using electric lights, but I'm going for the symbolism of the relative darkness anyway, and will hold firm that we'll try it out here.

There might be hope for me yet

2008-03-28T23:16:00.001+01:00

I vaguely recall, a number of posts ago, claiming that I would not become a mommy blogger. Now, 25 or so posts tagged with 'babystuff' later, I admit it. I'm obsessed. More than obsessed. So, when given the challenge to not speak about, well, babystuff, for a whole multi-course meal (Thor's birthday dinner...I took him out for Australian), I wasn't sure it could be done.

But, I did it. It wasn't easy, whenever it was my turn to speak, I felt the urge to bring up something kiddie-related. Not that I had anything particularly kiddie-related to say, mind you. But I resisted. We talked about political and social issues, movies, music, travel, just like real people do. I was quite impressed with myself.

And then I came home and immediately logged onto a pregnancy forum, like an asthmatic in need of an inhaler. I'm much better now, thank you.

39x365 #19: Abby

2008-03-27T22:41:00.002+01:00

I said something which offended you, though it was not intentional. You actively stopped speaking to me. As I worked with you everyday, and was in the same social circle as you, I found this silent treatment rather traumatic.

A happy birthday post

2008-03-26T21:00:00.000+01:00

So, what do you do to honor the birthday of a man who eschews carbs? Why, you assemble a salami and cheese 'cake' selection, of course! Now join me in a round of a Danish birthday song (there are several, but this seems to be the most common) in Thor's honor. What, pray tell, is this song? Well, you can find the words (and English translation) of the first verse (once again, there are several) here, and the tune here.

The value of money

2008-03-25T22:29:00.002+01:00

So, now, thanks to this podcast, I now understand why I, generally not a big spender, am so willing to fork out big money on baby things. Because it makes me happy. Yes, apparently, money can't buy happiness...unless it's money spent on someone else.

And it's true...I find myself gazing upon all my purchases, organizing them neatly in various places in the apartment, with what can only be described as joy. Yes, this is about nesting more than anything, but if I hadn't spent the money on someone else, then I wouldn't have any nesting material, now would I? It will be even more exciting to see the items actually being used.

*Photo: Not having any photos of anything that I've bought for the baby, I'm revisiting her clothing collection. Everything in this photo was a gift from some person or group of people. Who are all presumably happier as a result of their baby clothing purchases.*

39x365 #18: Mickey Mouse

2008-03-24T22:16:00.001+01:00

Though I don’t remember it personally, I apparently was toilet trained in exchange for a trip to Disneyland. To meet you. Except that I was too awe-struck to actually approach you. I still think you’re cool, but Minnie’s cooler.

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T22:47:00.000+01:00

On the one hand, it's a very very grim reason to have a holiday, the whole crucifixion thing. On the other hand, what better than a holiday based on being reborn. A day to think of all the ways in which we all have been reborn, or all the ways in which we would like to reinvent ourselves. Really a day of hope. So, what will be your next rebirthing? Mine is so obvious that I can't even bring myself to write it down.

*Photo from http://www.eat-online.net/english/habits/easter/eggs_made_paper.htm*

Boring Easter weekend

2008-03-22T23:12:00.000+01:00

So far this weekend, I have done the following things. Your challenge is to make them connect to Easter in some way.

I've gotten about 28% of the way through a large proofreading project. The project itself is fairly straightforward; however, proofreading always makes me feel as if my eyes are bleeding. I have great hopes to have it finished by Monday evening, but I'm not so sure I can do it. Because of the bleeding.

I've bought a lot of diaper items. Cloth diapers. And diaper inserts. And diaper pants. And diaper wipes. And diaper creme. Oh, and disposable diaper liners. I've put those items that need to be washed before use through the washer (twice, actually), and they are now hanging to dry across from where I now sit. I also demonstrated to Thor how to diaper a baby, using a stuffed animal as the baby.

I've done only a bit of cooking, and even less cleaning.

I've chatted, blogged, and hung out a very short time on Facebook.

And I've uploaded an Easter appropriate photo of a church, on Møn.

Now, it's your turn. What have you done so far this fine weekend? What are your plans for the rest of the weekend?

My other internet 'homes'

2008-03-21T21:56:00.000+01:00

I spend a lot more time on-line than is good for the rest of the things I need to do in life. And only a bit of that time is spent blogging. So, where am I for the rest? Here are some of the places where I am most often to be found. Some of these I have written about before, but they are still where I hang out, and so worthy of being written about again.

1) Conceptis Puzzles: seriously, if I could break this habit, I'd have hours more each week. In fact the only thing that takes up more of my on-line time is...

2) What to Expect forums: and I don't even post there (I keep meaning to, but haven't done it yet). It's uncanny, whenever I have a concern or question, 99% of the time, someone has just posted about it, or will post about within a day or two.

3) The Archers message board: as I know I've mentioned earlier, I don't really even listen to it anymore! But I still read the synopses and check the boards. Strange, I know. And I have no interest in posting here.

4) Obsessively checking my e-mail: because you never know when spam will attack, and your e-mail account will need protecting...

5) And of course, other blogs: but not as much as I'd like to. Give me some way of getting rid of my need for #1 and 3, and I'd be by much more often!

So, what about for you? What takes up time that you could usefully spend on other things?

39x365 #17: Auntie Mary Ann

2008-03-20T22:08:00.001+01:00

A worthy recipient of honorary 'auntie' status. Your trademark? Wonderful Christmas and birthday presents sent 3 months late, so never expected, but much appreciated. You were a delivery room nurse at my birth, though I don’t recall that personally.

The value of snoring?

2008-03-19T23:08:00.003+01:00

It's funny what strange words one can pick up when in a foreign country for only a short time. In Thor's case, it's so clear that he learned what few Spanish words he knows from doing the Camino de Santiago. He is able to order breakfast ('bocadillo con chorizo y queso', 'cafe con leche) and a drink in a bar ('cerveza', 'vino tinto'). At one point, someone taught him to say something along the lines of 'this village is the most beautiful I've seen on the Camino', which apparently got him a lot of kudos and the occasional free drink, but I'd imagine he's since forgotten that phrase. And I thought that was it. But not quite, shown by his now addressing me in the morning as 'roncadora'. Only someone spending night after night in refugios would pick up the term for snorers (as there were a lot of them in the refugios!)

Yes, apparently I've started to snore. Which is not the end of the world, after all most people do so in certain situations (like when they have a cold). But it's gotten me wondering, why would humans have this snoring tendency? From an evolutionary perspective, it would seem to be a really bad idea to draw attention to ourselves when we're sleeping, and therefore can't defend ourselves from attack.

It's possible that snoring is a recent phenomenon in history (which could be if there is a connection between physical condition and snoring...maybe in ancient times, snoring wasn't as common because people weren't so out of shape and overweight). It's also possible that we snore less than our ancient ancestors, because evolution favored those who didn't snore as often, but that snoring a bit still remains.

Looking it up hasn't helped much (Googling 'snoring evolution' gives articles on the evolution of snoring in individual cases, such as from light snoring to heavy snoring to sleep apnea to impending doom, and 'why do we snore' provides discussions on the biology of snoring), and now I'm really curious to know why we humans snore. I did find one theory that humans evolved to snore in order to scare off wild animals, but I'm not convinced. Another theory says that it has to do with sleep/wake patterns in group hunting animals, and snoring being a signal for sleep, which is somewhat more logical...but if everyone is sleeping at the same time, how would anyone snoring first help? Wouldn't it be enough just to see some starting to sleep?

So, I leave it now up to you, dear readers. Let your imagination, and/or your mad researching skillz, run riot. What is your theory on the evolutionary advantage of snoring? In the meantime, I'll be heading for bed, to hone my new-found prowess as a roncadora.

Just a bit (of) Kinky

2008-03-18T22:01:00.002+01:00

I was halfway to the grocery store when it started to rain. I never run when it starts raining. I just keep to my same leisurely pace and try to walk between the drops. You get about equally wet either way, but if you run, you look stupid. If you walk you just look crazy. There's more dignity in crazy, and it's also less strenuous. (Kinky Friedman, "A Case of Lone Star")

I'm not usually one to write down a quote or a line. I'm actually the type to be sure that I'll remember whatever it is later when I need it, and then forget about whatever it was mere seconds after. But when going through a stack of (in some cases, very old) papers, I found this quote, which I had written on the back of a receipt (from somewhere in Portugal, which means the quote writing was done pre-2001).

I don't remember anything about the novel (except that Kinky is marvelously funny, and witty, and punny), nor do I remember what inspired me to find the book (in a bookstore in San Francisco), find the quote in the book (which I seem to recall I found surprisingly quickly), and write it down. But it ages well, the quote. It seems like it could apply to just about any uncomfortable situation, not just rain, and it's an image and an idea that I've been trying more consciously since re-reading it, that of walking between the drops. It does just seem to epitomize the dignified approach.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day?

2008-03-17T22:31:00.000+01:00

If it is actually Saint Patrick's Day today, then I wish you a good one. But is it today? Or was it Saturday? If it was Saturday, then I wish you belated holiday well wishes. May you have a nice drink and wear something green.

For me, on my Saint Patrick's Day (or belated Saint Patrick's Day, whichever), I will try to sleep, in hopes that when I wake up, I won't feel so punished for breaking one of the cardinal rules of pregnancy, namely that enormously pregnant women should not put together Ikea furniture. Which is a very unfair rule, as I need that bookshelf/changing table ready so that I can put baby clothes and pregnancy and baby books on it. How can I really, truly start nesting without it? But I realize now that some rules exist for a reason, namely to prevent total physical exhaustion. Not to mention the depression that accompanies the realization that assembling a bookshelf is now to be considered strenuous exercise. My plan was to take a photo of it, but that may have to wait until I have the strength to pick up my camera. Or for that matter, to put in the actual shelves.

Blogging about my feet while I can still see them

2008-03-16T21:30:00.000+01:00

I had lots of ideas on how to start this post. All of which were wiped away when I saw this photo, of me looking at my feet in Barcelona airport. It has to be the scariest photo I have ever seen. Certainly the scariest one I've ever taken. And yes, that is my belly. And my feet. And, to answer the question I know you'll have, yes, I did have to lean over slightly in order to actually get my feet in the shot.

The funniest thing is that this was to be a post about my cool new shoes. Along with lots of lovely tourism, one notable event from my week in Barcelona was that I became noticeably bigger during the week, from Tuesday to Thursday. This has apparently pushed me over some mythical edge, and given me a slightly different relationship with my feet. Actually, with anything on the ground, like, for example, my feet when I am standing up. Leaning over is no longer my friend. Now, when I drop something, I'll be doing my best to just leave it where it is (or to get some nice person nearby to pick it up for me).

Which means that it was possibly not the best idea to take only lace-up shoes with me. Which I did. Lace-up shoes which finally started to fall apart on Thursday, in a way which was quite painful (imagine walking on a bar of metal, digging into your already sore left foot more and more with each step, and you'll have an idea of what I mean). So Friday became shoe-shopping day. And did I ever find cool shoes. You can't see much of them here (I couldn't lean over any more and still have only bump and shoes in the photo), but they're leather high tops with several buckled strips of spikes and stuff. Not laced, but a zip up the side, which is not ideal either, but much better than lacing.

But really, it's the bump that really wants to be written about. Not the shoes, not even that they're a larger size than I normally take because I believe my feet have finally started swelling. Or that they are possibly the most expensive shoes I have ever bought. It's only slightly more relevant to write about how I had to take them off after security in Zurich, and then, not having anywhere to sit down (we just made it to our connection as it was), was unable to put them back on, and so just carried them onto the next flight. Or how I attempted to put them on before the plane landed in Copenhagen, and couldn't maneuver enough, what with the lack of room between me and the seat in front of me, to actually put them on there either.

Nope, it's all about how scary it is that my abdominal region has morphed, seemingly overnight into some sort of county fair prize-winning watermelon. Compared to that, there is nothing else to write about. Even scarier when I consider that there are still about 8 weeks left in which to grow even more alarmingly big.

39x365 #16: Waiter in that cafe in Lisbon

2008-03-15T23:19:00.000+01:00

I became a ‘local’ in your café. Then, you started another café nearby. Peering in months later, you invited me in and gave me my usual order. Which had since changed. I could never bring myself to tell you.

39x365 #15: Silvia

2008-03-14T13:28:00.002+01:00

I was dead impressed with your fluency, but found your Spanish-accented Danish almost impossible to understand. Paired for a Danish speaking exam, I amazingly could understand you, whereas you were surprised to find I could speak Danish at all.

Nothing to declare...

2008-03-13T22:06:00.000+01:00

...but my total blogging addiction. I managed to miss getting to my new 'usual' internet cafe until after it was already closed. So, does that mean that I'm missing a day? Nope, just that I'm at another cafe, one that has an even stickier keyboard than at my regular (so, any letters missing should be seen as just part of the charm). I'm hardly even checking my e-mail, no time to answer comments (I look forward to responding to all posts when I get back), but must...write...blog... post. Really, it's more than a bit pathetic.

It sort of makes me wonder what other good habits I could get into if only I force myself to follow them everyday. Taking vitamins? (Though I am not so regular at doing that, actually). Exercising? (Maybe later...I managed a 50-minute very light hike today, felt really well afterwards, but now suspect that I'll need the rest of this trip, and another week or so at home to recover). Maybe, just maybe, it will all be clearer after a good sleep. Any suggestions you can make, to await me when I am back in my usual cafe with familiar sticky keys, will be greatly appreciated.

How to lose the ability to speak in any language

2008-03-12T17:13:00.000+01:00

Here's the secret. First, learn a foreign language. Any foreign language will do, especially one which can be sort of used in other places (so Danish is good, because it sort of works also in Norway and Sweden). In my case, I learned Portuguese, and had several opportunities to sort of use it in Spain (I've been told that it also sort of works in Italy, but I haven't had as much luck with that one).

Once you've become pretty good in the first one, then learn another foreign language. Preferably one that is really different than the first foreign language. I chose Danish, which is still Indo-European, but different enough. Learn that one enough so that you start to forget the first one.

Finally, travel with people speaking the second foreign language, to a country where you could sort of use the first foreign language, if only you could remember it well enough. Then decide you are too stubborn to use your native language (even if, as in my case, your native language is the one language that people are sure to sort of know pretty much wherever you are).

And then try and speak, and see if I am not right in saying that all communication will, practically speaking, cease. Really, it works. In my case, I can no longer speak anything at all. I stop a conversation (in Danish) to order food, or to buy something, and I end up speaking Danish to servers and clerks. Which really isn't very effective.

Am I right in assuming that this is some sort of foreign language universal?

Where I reveal that my boyfriend is obsessed with another woman

2008-03-11T20:50:00.000+01:00

Dear Reader,

I am writing to ask for the use of your wisdom and experience. I have known for a few months now that I am no longer the only woman in my boyfriend's life. But it is only now that we're on holiday (which entails spending much longer periods of time together than usual) that the full extent of this other relationship has revealed itself. Consider the following behaviors that I have noticed over the past several days between my boyfriend and this 'other woman' (who, I might note, is traveling with us):

He simply cannot keep his hands off of her. On occasion, in response to this, she'll actually kick him (or hit him - it's hard to be sure). He doesn't seem to mind.

He kisses her regularly. In public. In front of me (of course, he also kisses me in front of her, but that's perhaps better left for another letter). As far as I can tell, she doesn't kiss back. Her lack of affection doesn't seem to faze him.

When confronted with these facts, he doesn't even try to deny anything. In fact, he suggests that he will only really get to know her in May. At which point, he's apparently planning to take her home to live with us. As if that weren't enough, I believe I'm expected to feed her and make sure all her needs are met while he's at work.

So, dearest reader, what should I do? Is it wrong to just give in, to embrace this new relationship? Dare I even enter into a relationship with her myself? Because truth be told, this other woman is kind of cute, and totally captivating.

39x365 #14: Pedro

2008-03-10T18:17:00.000+01:00

My companion last time to Barcelona. Too macho to accept my paying (even though you were on my holiday), no money to pay yourself, making every restaurant meal into a fight. Why we even attempted a relationship escapes me.

Dirty on the outside, clean on the inside?

2008-03-09T17:54:00.000+01:00

When I used to live in Lisbon, I would marvel at my colleagues (mostly British), who would remark on how dirty the city was, and how cramped, and how generally inhospitable. I didn't agree...but when I'd go somewhere else, back to the States, for example, I'd find that for the first day or two after my return, I'd notice all of that...especially the dirt. As if the whole city, every building, could stand a minor sandblasting, just to clean it up.

I'm feeling the same way now about Barcelona, and I must confess, I adore it. It makes me feel at home. It also reminds me of a factoid I once heard (I'm sure if I had more internet time, I could find a reference or two to link to) about outside cultures and inside cultures. According to this theory, Portugal, and Spain, and of course there are others, are more concerned about appearances inside the circle of friends and family. What this means is that it's not so important how dirty things are in public spaces, but if you go into someone's house, you can expect immaculate, you can eat off the floor, levels of cleanliness. By contrast, in an outside culture (I believe the example I heard was Germany), it's very important to present a good appearance, so public spaces are very very clean, but inside homes, it's not such a big deal. I can only vouch for my one German roommate, who definitely only cleaned for company, but beyond that, couldn't really say.

What I have grown to realize is that I like the dirty on the outside way of doing things. I'm fond of dilapidation. It looks like somewhere where people actually live. Maybe it's because I fit into a totally separate criteria, that of the not too fussed about cleaning either outside or inside.

I'd welcome other opinions on this. Any thoughts? Anyone?

Testing the theory that air travel is safe in the third trimester

2008-03-08T09:40:00.001+01:00

Yes, this is where I see how much stamina I have left (if any), and spend a week in Barcelona with Thor and Thor's dad (and Thor's dad's lady friend). In theory, there should be no problem with this. I am feeling fine, no complications that I know of, I'm not even that fatigued, baby not expected for another two months or so. About the most I can complain about is heartburn, which will presumably be the same no matter where I am. And I'm hoping my memories of Amsterdam a couple weekends ago (where I attempted to walk around to the extent that I always do when in a different city...and it was absolutely no fun, I had back pain that shifted to hip pain, then radiating leg pain, ending up in foot pain, nothing too severe, but in no way pleasant) will be enough to make me take it easy this time.

What's really sad is that the one thing I am worried about is whether I'll be able to blog everyday. That Blog365 thing really is an addiction. And unlike when I go for weekend trips, I have not written posts in advance for each day. I'd imagine I will be here as always (though more likely in the morning than in the night as is my usual), but if not, know that I miss each and every one, even those who don't read my blog.

*This is a companion photo to the one in the last post. That one is titled 'Bike with cat', and this one is 'Cat with bike'.*

kimananda, television star

2008-03-07T22:37:00.001+01:00

Last weekend, Thor and I went to the opening of a new small hotel/pension on the island of Møn, owned by one of Thor's co-workers and her husband. They recently bought the place, and have re-done it. Each of the rooms in the place has been stunningly decorated by a different local artist (the owners are also artists, who themselves have decorated the common areas). Lots of photos were taken, and at some point soon, there will be a post all about it.

But in the meantime, it has been brought to my attention that that man we saw there wandering around with the video equipment and tripod was not just playing around. Apparently, he has started and runs a local television station (or video-based website, I'm not sure), and was covering the opening 'for the media'. Which means that all the guests, including Thor and me, are television stars. Sort of.

The story itself has everything there is to love about local t.v. The total lack of polish, the odd placing of shots, weird camera angles, an announcer with a non-distinctive voiceover voice, a clearly amateur script. Which is what makes it so watchable. Thor and I can be seen in the crowd watching the owners' inagural speech (where you can see them officially christen the pension with white paint). To help you find us, I'm the pregnant woman having a really bad hair day. Thor is the suave man in the matching jacket standing next to me. Along the way, you'll get a good view of the place, and can soak in the strangeness that is the Danish language.

The link is http://tv-moen.dk/bakkegaardindvielsen.wmv. To any Mac users, do yourself a favor, and don't try to open it in Safari (trust me, it's really not worth the effort). It worked fine in Firefox.

39x365 #13: Miguel

2008-03-06T21:02:00.000+01:00

On your second Camino de Santiago, with definite ideas of how it ‘should’ be done.. Slightly dogmatic, but possessing occasional wisdom. I felt in need of your advice after finishing the journey, but you were nowhere to be found.

What to write about writing?

2008-03-05T22:52:00.000+01:00

I'm accepting Devil Mood's challenge, to present 3 writing tips. At the moment, I'm finding it relatively hard to write, which makes me an expert on giving tips, I'd imagine (sort of on the 'those who can't do, teach' principle).

1) Write regularly, even when you don't have anything to say. Which explains my whole blog at the moment, now that I think about it. A corollary to this is to also write when you have something to say, which seems like common sense, but seems to be, for me at least, the times in which it's hardest to write.

2) On the other hand, don't just write. Go out and experience things which you can then write about (or experience things while writing about them, or just while writing). Travel, develop interests and hobbies, immerse yourself in life, work on projects (or just work).

3) You will always be your own best reader. You know exactly what you mean by what you write. You can see what's worked and what hasn't. You find your humor funny, and your sadness tragic. Anything outside of yourself is welcome in addition to that, but your main drive should be you...otherwise, it's far too easy to get demotivated, as outside readers are fickle, and often very very busy.

Really, basic common sense (and very overlapping with Ms. Mood's list...which is not something that was planned). If you have any ideas to add, please do. If you have 3 ideas or more, consider yourself tagged.

*Photo info: This is from an artist decorated small hotel far far away, which will get it's very own post sometime soon.*

What I would write about if I could remember what to write about

2008-03-04T21:38:00.000+01:00

I have ideas for posts, on trips (to Vienna, Amsterdam, Møn), ideas for astrology experiments, food posts, social web pondering. But everytime I start to do anything, I then find that I've forgotten what it was that I was going to do. Not just blogging, but really, anything. All day this has been happening. Not that I wasn't absent-minded before, but never like this.

What would anyone suggest I do? Apparently, it's a normal thing, a sign that my brain is shrinking (no really, it is, though it should unshrink in, oh, around September or so, from what I can work out from various websites). As it is, I can't seem to work out how to make dinner (though the thought of heartburn is enough to put me off dinner at the moment), how to get the work done that needs to be done this evening, planning for my lessons tomorrow. So, for want of a better solution, I choose going to bed and sleeping deeply. Let's hope it's all a bit more manageable tomorrow (it should be...all things seem better in the morning, I find).

Natural history of a craving

2008-03-03T21:53:00.004+01:00

First, I had just an idea, not more than that, purely conceptual, that some sort of dessert might be nice. I let this thought lie in the back of my mind. Knowing that there is in fact no dessert in the house made it easier to distance myself from actually trying to make something dessert-like for myself.

Then, I saw the last photo in this post. Please note Chloe's willpower, in not having even a single bite. The photo had the opposite effect on me. My idea became a full-blown craving, leaving me with no choice but to find myself something, anything, to satisfy my need.

I found milk, and cocoa powder, and am in the middle of savoring the resulting chocolate milk. It's actually quite good...but not quite what I had in mind when I first worked this idea into a craving.

As I drink, I find myself thinking of other famous blog desserts. Like this one. A dessert classic. Or how about this one? It's one of my favorites. It reminds me of my mom's treasured recipe for flowerpot, which is basically an Oreo cookie/whipped cream concoction that looks like potting soil, presented in a, yes, flowerpot, with a real flower or two sticking out the top, to give it that authentic plant look. Yep, that cake is just like flowerpot, only much, much more disgusting looking. Or of course, that other begetter of cravings, here. Actually it is for this post that I now have the cocoa, bought in order to recreate the peanut butter hot chocolate. So, thank you, Novel Nymph. Without you, all I'd have to satisfy my cravings would be...ordinary milk. Which would really be quite sad, and probably not very effective.

The last time there was dessert in the house was the weekend before last. A bit of Valrhona, shown in the photo. It was not gotten in response to any craving. I just have a boyfriend who occasionally gets me chocolate (proof, as if any were needed, that he's a keeper...of course the fact that I keep reminding him of this study might help my case a bit). It lasted 3 or 4 days, which is pretty good for me. Actually, that last layer lasted just long enough for me to take a photo of it.

Short-timer's disease

2008-03-02T23:32:00.000+01:00

Yes, I am suffering from it. Which means that it's going to be a long six weeks until I go on leave. In the meantime, I've been making a list of what to do with the time I have between when I stop work, and when I become a parent. Here are some highlights:

1) go to a spa for a couple of days (this is the one I dream of most, and I hope I can do it)
2) clean the house really well and
3) get rid of all unnecessary items so that I can
4) turn a corner of one room into a nursery (we don't have a whole room for this, just a corner)
5) blog, maybe even write longer posts
6) make a month (or two) of frozen meals
7) buy any remaining baby items, and talk myself out of buying too many
8) write e-mails to everyone I haven't written to in a while (so, to pretty much everyone)
9) exercise a bit (nothing too strenuous, some of my pregnancy yoga)
10) work on my proposal some more

Am I missing anything?

(Actually, after looking at this list, work doesn't seem so bad after all! No, just kidding...I'd much rather do these things than go to work at this point. Which is odd, as I really like my teaching at the moment, and some of the stuff I like less will be handed over to my replacement very soon.)

Speaking of overachieving

2008-03-01T23:31:00.000+01:00

One plus of blogging everyday for that part of me that pays attention to statistics, is that yesterday was not just weekiversary and leap day. It was also the day in which I have blogged more in 2008 than in all of 2007. I honestly can't decide if that's a good thing or not.

Or, to put it in a different way, is it just quantity, or is there any quality there? I really can't decide that either. I find that the whole reason for this blog, and the satisfaction that I get from blogging, has changed utterly. To what, I'm not quite sure I've figured it out.

Questions being considered are, while I'm clearly writing with the idea that what I write will be read by others, am I really writing for others, or just myself? Is this an exercise in meeting a daily deadline, or is there more going on? Am I trying to express thought or intuition or art...or something else entirely...or nothing? And to go back to quantity vs. quality, is one so much better than the other? I ask this in the spirit of 'the best way to get a good idea is to have lots of ideas'. Which of course begs the question, is it the blogger's job to separate beautiful well-formed posts from all the rest? Or is it up to the blogger just to get the ideas out there, and the reader's job to see if anything said happens for whatever reason to resonate?

This seems like something that is better pondered earlier in the day, something to return to later. But until I do, any thoughts and/or answers to rhetorical questions are greatly appreciated.

Leap Day Overachieving

2008-02-29T17:39:00.000+01:00

First, let me wish you all a happy and healthy Leap Day. A day which, on the one hand is just another day, but on the other hand, is really special.

A day for us to wish it was our birthday...I think it would be cool to be turning 10 today!
A day for women to propose to their men (I'm not necessarily planning to propose, but it's an interesting thought!)
A day for flouting convention, and posting on the Blog365 day of rest (well, I can't be following all the rules totally to the letter, that would be boring).

I declare it a day of celebrating, as a symbol of regularity and of rarity. A day to go out and feast, or otherwise commemorate. And then to flog convention by blogging about what you did.

*Photo credit: http://www.brassdragon.biz/*

No time to blog today

2008-02-28T22:18:00.000+01:00

Earlier today, for the first time ever, when I poke and prod in the right places, she sometimes moves and kicks back. Really, that has to take top priority, I'm sure you'll agree. Think baby massage, done on-site (in a manner of speaking). I truly think that I could spend all day doing this (though it hasn't yet actually kept me from, for example, going to work, or eating, or sleeping).

At some point several months ago, after reading far too much about all stages of pregnancy, until it all became unbearably repetitive, I bemoaned to my brother that with pregnancy, I'd finally found something that I couldn't just read about, but that I would actually have to experience. At that point, not much was happening, and experiencing didn't seem so attractive (My brother's advice? 'Then write.' Very insightful advice giver, my bro). But now, I'm beginning to find this whole experiencing thing to be really worthwhile, seductive. Makes me want to go on to experience other things, next. Any suggestions? Other than the obvious one of experiencing the baby (I'm very much looking forward to that one).

One of those days

2008-02-27T22:58:00.000+01:00

Have you ever had one of those days, which never seem to end? Where you leave for work early in the morning, and don't come back until 14 hours later. If you have, then you have my sympathy, and if you haven't, then you have my envy.

Have you ever had one of those days where you find that you can no longer bear to see your own reflection, because you are so enormously, gigantically, hugely big in comparison to what you normally look like? If you have, then congratulations, you must be pregnant, and if you haven't, then you have my envy.

Have you ever had one of those days where life is so full of possibility, but you cannot imagine taking advantage of any of it, because your days never seem to end, and you know everything will change soon anyway, and all the possibilities will become other possibilities?

Not that any of this will necessarily be true for me, tomorrow, but it just seems relevant to ask today.

Those who can't do, teach?

2008-02-26T22:49:00.000+01:00

A minor event that's gotten me thinking, and then taking 15 minutes or so of that thinking to blog about. So that I can feel both deep and shallow at the same time...

In my pregnancy yoga class today, we were guided into doing something that involved standing with our feet pretty close together (not touching, but almost)...and then bending over and letting our upper bodies relax. As we all did this, and I (and the others who are due relatively soon) all seemed to emit sounds of discomfort at the same time, the teacher suddenly said, 'wait a minute, I forgot...you all have bumps! Of course you can't do this with your feet so close together, you have bumps!' Now, seeing that this is a pregnancy yoga class, you'd think it would be obvious. Actually it was quite amusing. The yoga teacher did then talk about preparing classes by trying out the yoga moves with a football underneath her shirt, which seems pretty sensible to me, but not perhaps the ideal way to go about it.

Which has gotten me thinking about jobs that you can do without having direct life experience of what it is you're working with. Take me for example. I've been teaching English as a foreign language for many, many years (I'd give the exact number, but it's too scary to do the math...well over a decade, I'll admit to that much). For the first couple years, I was firmly monolingual. Not that I'd never studied a foreign language, but just that I'd never gotten to where I could do anything in any of them. Actually, the number of languages that I've studied is really quite impressive, but the number that I can actually use in a meaningful way? Two. Which corresponds directly to the number of countries where I have lived in in which the main language of that country is not English.

The question is, is it so vital to have 'lived' the job you do? There must be single marriage counselors out there, for example. I am undecided about this. Am I a better teacher now that I'm trilingual rather than monolingual? I am a better teacher, to be sure, just because I have done it for longer, and developed more confidence and greater skill. I'd like to think that the languages help, but I couldn't say that they're necessary. And I really like my yoga teacher, and don't feel that she would be better if she had given birth before...but of course if she experiences pregnancy later, then her teaching may well become more nuanced as a result.

What is your opinion? And are you in a job which can serve as an example of what it is I'm on about here? Or better yet, a counter example?

The restaurant beyond the end of the universe

2008-02-25T23:42:00.001+01:00

From the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. As delineated by Douglas Adams.

It is a curious fact, and one to which no one knows quite how much importance to attach, that something like 85% of all known worlds in the Galaxy, be they primitive or highly advanced, have invented a drink called jynnan tonnyx, or gee-N'N-T'N-ix, or jinond-o-nicks, or any one of a thousand or more variations on the same phonetic theme. The drinks themselves are not the same, and vary between the Sivolvian 'chinanto/mnigs' which is ordinary water served at slightly above room temperature, and the Gagrakackan 'tzjin-anthony-ks' which kill cows at a hundred paces; and in fact the one common factor between all of them, beyond the fact that the names sound the same, is that they were all invented and named before the worlds concerned made contact with any other worlds.

What can be made of this fact? It exists in total isolation. As far as any theory of structural linguistics is concerned it is right off the graph, and yet it persists. Old structural linguists get very angry when young structural linguists go on about it. Young structural linguists get deeply excited about it and stay up late at night convinced that they are very close to something of profound inportance, and end up becoming old structural linguists before their time, getting very angry with the young ones. Structural linguistics is a bitterly divided and unhappy discipline, and a large number of its practitioners spend too many nights drowning their problems in Ouisghian Zodahs.

From the restaurant beyond the end of the universe. As experienced by Thor, in (actual reconstructed) conversation with a server in a cafe/bar/pancake restaurant in Amsterdam:

Server: Can I get you anything to drink?
Thor: Yes, I'd like a gin and tonic.
Server: (looking a bit confused) A what?
Thor: A gin and tonic.
Server: Oh, a gin.
Thor: Yes. And tonic.
Server: (looking more confused) Gin and...?
Thor: Tonic.
Server: (looking a slight bit alarmed) Oh. I'm not sure we have that.
Thor: Well...maybe I'll just have a beer then.

39x365 #12: Boy sitting next to me in geometry

2008-02-24T08:49:00.000+01:00

You seemed nice enough. Only when you signed my yearbook did I realize that you clearly thought I was something special. I was too young to be interested, but flattered. I never noticed you outside of geometry class ever.

39x365 #11: Barney

2008-02-23T21:26:00.001+01:00

When I was a child, you would follow me everywhere. One day, I decided to ignore you, to see what would happen. You were concerned, then upset, then seemed to lose interest in me. This I found quite traumatic.

Apple for the teacher

2008-02-22T14:28:00.000+01:00

There are some days, quite regular days, where it occurs to me that I really am a teacher. That after however many years of being in classrooms, something has become an integral part of me.

There are other days, not so many in this case, where it occurs to me that everyone is a teacher. And of course a student. That we are all together, and interacting together, so that we may teach, and so we may learn.

To that end, please take an apple. You deserve it, and they're very good.

Life after the internet? Or without the internet?

2008-02-21T21:46:00.004+01:00

Once, to make a point which I no longer remember, I asked a class to envisage the world after the internet. The world is forever in a state of change, technology is always being replaced and renewed, so what thing or things would we be using to do what we do today on the internet? I've set the same question to other groups since then, and now I'm asking you.

And I realize that it's an unanswerable question, insofar as anyone tackling this issue has first to come up with a specific and workable definition of what the internet actually is. My own thoughts would be that because the internet does seem to be remarkably fluid entity, it will be changing, and is changing, while still being seen as the same by those who use it. But at some point, there could well be something really, totally, obviously different that comes along and takes over, at which point, my powers of prognosis melt down. But what do you envision?

On a related note, the above photo comes from here, and asks a somewhat related question, namely could there be an internet-free day, where no one on the planet used the internet. On a general level, then it could all become quite complicated, and once again would require a good amount of defining terms first...would it include intranets, to give just one obvious example? On an individual level, I think that to some extent it could work, but only to the extent that, for example, there can be (and is) a regularly occurring music-free day. Which is to say, that it's a nice idea, but just because it exists doesn't mean that everyone knows about it, or that all who know about it would follow it. I'd certainly consider turning off my number one addiction for a day, as much as it's feasible and possible to do so...though probably not until after finishing Blog365! Would you consider such a radical act? Could you survive an internet-free day?

Just a simple suggestion

2008-02-20T21:53:00.002+01:00

Something I would recommend to anyone: pick a time in your life when you have no reason or need to find a job, or another job than the one you already have. Then, find a job which it would be cool to have anyway, apply for it, and then go on a job interview.

You won't need to worry about how to impress the company, because the stakes are not unrealistically high. You can just answer honestly and be yourself. In this case, it was a preliminary 'getting to know you' type of affair, and I had a great time not disguising any of my weaknesses, and conversely, doing my very best to play up my strengths. It was great fun.

And the best part of all is that it would actually be cool to get the job. It's a really interesting one. This is equal to the fact that whether I get the job or not, I'll be going on leave at the same time anyway. I know it sounds a bit kooky, but I highly recommend it.

39x365 #10: Steven the rocking horse

2008-02-19T22:32:00.000+01:00

A keynote of my childhood since infancy, every part of you has been broken, then fixed. Now in darkness, you will soon leave your shed and immigrate to Denmark, to play an equally important role for the next generation.

True bliss...

2008-02-18T22:17:00.000+01:00

...is when you can't make it for dinner because of work, but arrive after dinner to find that the host has cooked for you anyway, and heats it up for you. And it's delicious.

And then, just when it seems it can't get any better, you get dessert.

6 things, or better late than never

2008-02-17T21:09:00.000+01:00

A long time ago, I came up with this post, in preparation to doing this meme (for which I was tagged by the inimitable Devil Mood). Then, I forgot all about the meme. Silly me.

So, according to the rules, I'm supposed to:

- Link to the person that tagged you.
- Post the rules on your blog.
- Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
- Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
- Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Because I'm increasingly obsessed (and because that's what the photos in the previous post referred to), the theme is babies. Both preparation for babies and metaphoric babies.

1) Preparation: I have finally found my pregnancy craving. Milk. I prefer skim, or better yet, mainly skim milk with just a splash or two of chocolate milk mixed in. I don't really put enough in to add too much chocolate flavor, but it gives a bit of interest anyway, and a slightly richer color. The craving comes and goes, but has been a relative constant for a few weeks now. This would go with the first photo in that other post.

2) Metaphoric: There is so much going on in my life at the moment, which I don't blog about. For example, Tristino, my PhD proposal in training/quasi-metaphorical baby. Working on a proposal is like running a marathon through hip-high mud. I'm not sure how far I'm getting, but it seems to be coming together despite all my distractions and procrastinations. All I need to do is to get my research idea, a very abbreviated literature review, a project timeline, and a short reference list together...in no more than 5 A4 pages. In February. I'm being cautiously optimistic that I will actually achieve this. This would go with the second photo, of the bound dissertations.

3) Preparation: I have been hearing about women in about the same stage of pregnancy as I am who have had their babies already. This is far too early to be having a baby, but the babies seem to be surviving (though not without a stretch in intensive care). This is reassuring (if I gave birth now, she'd most likely survive) and frightening (there are people who give birth really really early) at the same time.

4) Metaphoric: Questions which I should be thinking about and researching, but instead I am blogging: What is everyday life, and how does internet use intersect with that? How is the internet like a city, and how is it different? How far can such metaphors be practically applied in research, and what kind of methodology would be useful for exploring such questions? How can I effectively explore any of this in 5 A4 pages?

5) Preparation: I now know why pregnant women bump into things, spill food on themselves while eating, get soaking wet while washing the dishes. It's all body image, and delusion. Because, while I know on a theoretical level that I'm bigger, I don't feel any bigger. By which I mean, if I stretch my arms out away from my body, close my eyes, and think of how I look, it's clear to me that I'm the same size that I've always been. But of course, I'm really not. Which means that I am starting to bump into things...let's just say that I now reach wherever it is that I'm going a split second before I expect to. The other day, I caught sight of myself in the reflective glass in a picture frame, and though, 'That can't be me. I look pregnant or something!' Evidence given in the photo for this post.

6) More preparation: I had some ideas in mind when I posted the three photos in that earlier post, but now, I can't remember why I posted the photo of the moses basket. Probably I was making a list of things I need to buy. Really, there's not that much that one needs to buy for a baby, leaving me with a much shorter list than I expected. Poor, poor, minimalist baby. But really, I keep looking at suggested shopping lists, and considering all of them, and really, there's not so much that is really needed.

So, who to tag? I'm tagging people from whom I haven't seen any new posts in a while, and I'm only tagging three, as a lot of those I read have done this, or something similar before, in several cases, more than once. Just because I know all three in real life doesn't make me miss their on-line presence any less. This means you, FourLegged, KB, and Gondul.

My last meal revisited

2008-02-16T16:59:00.000+01:00

Last Sunday, when I was pondering my last meal, and for some reason not choosing what would actually be my last meal, but instead what my last meal would be assuming that I was under all dietary restriction brought about by being pregnant, and thus not able to eat my preferred last meal, I completely overlooked breakfast.

You may have to read that last sentence over a time or two to really understand what it is I'm trying to say here, or you could just read the executive summary: I forgot breakfast. And what is more comforting, and thus better able to serve as a last meal, than a good breakfast? I am appalled and slightly mortified at the omission.

So, to try and make amends, I hereby present breakfast. Pancakes...I hadn't had pancakes in ages, but my personal chef was willing to revisit this basic culinary art. And inspired by this post, peanut butter hot chocolate.

I just hope that the thought of all that food will distract you from the actual content of this post.

39x365 #9: Erick

2008-02-15T22:33:00.000+01:00

I thought you were the coolest. Later, you were my first broken heart, but neither the last nor the biggest. I can’t imagine what I saw in you, but there must have been something appealing to a 17-year old.

Hay, everybody! Happy Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T17:53:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure how I feel about Valentine's Day...but really, any excuse for a bad pun. And any excuse to give and receive presents. It's just like weekiversary a day early. I found these Valentine sweethearts on the island of Møn. It looks to me like they're at the beginning of a beautiful friendship.