lørdag, november 19, 2005

Man-stench

Well, I have been enjoying a completely relaxing unproductive evening home by myself, as Thor is out with some friends, enjoying a mandehørm. This translates into English as a 'night out with the guys', or literally as 'man-stench', or as Thor defined it for me, 'mand is of course man, and hørm is, well, when there is something that smells really bad, but I mean really bad.' Yes, it's true, the man with whom I live in sin is right this moment out on a man-stench. The beauty of this is that, not only do I get the house to myself, but I also get to periodically think 'mandehørm'...and just laugh.

Thor doesn't quite get the humor of this. I don't recall his exact words, but there was something to do with 'you're having a lot of fun with this, aren't you,' and 'it's really not that funny'. But, of course, it is! I also had the opportunity to talk to the arranger of this particular 'man-stench' earlier in the evening, and asked him if Thor should show up to the event smelly, or if he would naturally acquire a nasty odor as the evening progressed. For some reason, Andreas seemed to think that my question was rhetorical, I can't imagine why. Unfortunately I wasn't able to speak to the other men participating, on the off chance that they would take my question seriously.

Anyway, here are what I think are the rules for a mandehørm.

1) Dress up, as you might be going bar-hopping, or to a nice restaurant, or to a formal event on Mars. Specifically you must iron a shirt, and then leave the iron and ironing board in the hallway where you can be sure to trip over them when returning home drunk at an ungodly hour of the morning. Ask your non-Danish girlfriend if you should be wearing a tie, as if she knows. When she asks, 'Well, where will you be going?', admit that you have no idea.

2) While ironing, listen to extremely loud German industrial music, so that your girlfriend spends the rest of the evening with 'We're all living in Amerika/Amerika ist wunderbar' going through her head. Don't worry - as you also have a rather scary fondness for disco (and Rammstein is pretty cool), your girlfriend will be more relieved than annoyed.

3) Go out with the guys and try to recreate that Nordic mythological tale where Loke the trickster gets Thor to drink a tankard of beer that turns out to contain an entire ocean. In this way, prove that you ARE the real God of Thunder, and your mother's claim that she named you after Norwegian explorer Thor Heyerdahl is simply not true. Do silly things, but not so silly that you can't tell your girlfriend about them the next day, or that you can't remember them the next day.

4) Come home late and drunk. Manage to get into bed really quietly, and then wake your girlfriend up by snoring loudly. Wake up the next morning with a hangover, and vow to never, ever do it again...until the next time.

Hmmm...that sound like it could be fun...with the right company...any of you ladies in the audience up for a 'kvindehørm' sometime soon?

19 kommentarer:

HanktheDog sagde ...

Man-stench. Thanks for the tutorial. This sounds like my kind of event.

Simple American sagde ...

I've had Man-stench before. Lotsa fun.

Though I did the German equivalent.

Sangroncito sagde ...

Man-stench...sounds kind of sexy to me!

kimananda sagde ...

Hi, Hank, perhaps you could introduce the concept of dog-stench?

Mr. American, how long were you in Germany? I get the sense from your posts that it's a very influential place in your life.

Sangroncito, I must confess that a group of drunk smelly Danish guys doesn't appeal to me particularly. But the concept of man-stanch in the abstract does sound quite sexy, doesn't it?

Chloe sagde ...

aren't men the same ALL over this big fat world?

Pirate sagde ...

I am relieved to know men all over the world gather together to drink and laugh about farts. Now you know that is why we rule.

Chibithulhu sagde ...

Chibithulhu would much rather go on a kvindehorm to enjoy the company of somewhat tipsy, festive women.

Leslie sagde ...

Spritz my pits with garbage. I'm in.

Daphnewood sagde ...

I wanted to comment on this post earlier but Mr.Daphnewood was hovering over me just wondering what man-stench remark I would make. When I think of male bonding I forget to add "smell" because all that testosterone in one room has got to put off some type of odor, don't ya think?

On a side note, I cannot believe THOR LIKES DISCO!!! I never met anyone who liked German industrial music either. You have one unique mandehorm loving man there. I am glad life must always be interesting for you

Morose sagde ...

as the hapless photographer forced to help Chibithulhu with his blog, I suppose i'm as qualified to respond as any. I hate boys. I hate men. I hate male bonding. the last time i had a male friend i wanted them to die horribly within a week of getting to know them. I agree with chibi - a girl-stench would be much more amusing.

and thanks for the comment on my creator-blog. I think you're the only one to actually read it so far.

and tell thor that his masculinity is safe - Chibithulhu and I both adore disco. particularly Abba.

portuguesa nova sagde ...

Haha! This all seems so hyper-masculine and non-Euro to me.

Anonym sagde ...

hy kimananda! glad to see your ok sweetheart. =)i'm happy and sad that i've bumped in to you. Hope you're as happy as you wanted.i see you keep traveling as you've always wanted,cool. Tender *******'s with saudade.Be happy =)

kimananda sagde ...

Chloe - yes, they are...yes, they certainly are.

Pirate - is that the only reason y'all rule? I had always thought you men could have come up with something better than smelling your way into power! ;-)

Chibi and Leslie - you're welcome to come along...I'll start planning the kvindehørm as soon as I know when you get here, and I'll be sure to meet you both at the airport.

Daphnewood - I hadn't thought about the testosterone/stench connection, but you have a definite point. And I must say, I've met a lot of Europeans who like disco (not the Bee Gees, but stuff like ABBA, which is more poppy disco, and Boney M, which is more reggae-ish disco). I like that stuff, and can get into some Kool and the Gang (NOT Cherish, but more like Jungle Boogie), which is more funky disco, and have developed a tragic fondness for Earth Wind and Fire, which is just plain disco. And I know a few people (mostly German or Danish or English) who like Rammstein (including me), which is sort of heavy metalish industrial.

Ah, Mr. Morose...I was expecting you! (Accompanying image of kimananda in Blofeld-type getup with pet Nyarlathotep on lap). And remember, for every blog comment, a thousand lurking readers must first ponder your wise words. I learned that with my pirate quiz...a LOT more people voted than commented. Oh, and may I assume you will be accompanying Chibi to the kvindehørm? You're more than welcome, and may consider yourself an honorary kvinde for the evening's festivities.

Senhora Nova, hyper-masculine definitely. But not non-Euro, just Northern Euro, like Denmark, England, and (according to Simple American) German.

Ola, anonymous. If you are who I think you are, tenho tambem muitos saudades tuas! If you aren't who I think you are, then who are you?

al-Ferengi sagde ...

First and foremost: Rrrrrammstein rrrrrocks :D

Then: have you ever thought about the "Jeg kan slet ikke stå for det" does not translate into "I creally can't stand this" -discrepancy?

Language is funny ;)-

Morose sagde ...

freakish mutations during puberty (isn't that when they always happen in the comics, after all?) have left me with the ability to pass for a kvinde (mar Madchen, with an umlaut in there somewhere, if i remember my high-school German) without much effort beyond shaving, so i'm glad to finally be accepted as one of the girls since i've halfway been one for most of my life anyway.

yes, I will be accompanying chibithulhu. someone has to take the pictures of our Dark Lord and Dissavior flinging himself at the bosoms of buxom danish women bringing him beer, after all, and someone has to wrap the little monster up in duct tape so they can drink their schnapps in peace.

anonimous-again sagde ...

lolol Quite cool! your portuguese got way better. Just hope your not mistaken about who i am. Maibe you should look for the last man on earth alltogether. Hope your right. =) lol.Sagacious *******'s.
Beijos linda ;)

kimananda sagde ...

Yep, Hapless Photog, looking forward to watching you in battle with the forces of drunken evilness!

'Anonymous', now the mystery is solved! I was wondering who that Portuguese/English bilingual was calling me sweetheart! And, my Portuguese got way better than what? Obrigadissima!

kimananda sagde ...

Hey, Ms. Black Scorpio, I forgot to respond to your post last time, sorry! Anyway, language is funny, and Rrrrrammstein does in fact rrrrrock. I've been issued a quest to get more Rrrrramstein for Christmas prezzzzzzies. Any suggestions - I don't know enough about them to know which of their stuff to get first.

Anonimous-again - Confession...I misread something in your last post, and though I knew who you were...but I have no idea. Obviously, if you want me to know who you are, then you will tell me. I will wait.

Morose sagde ...

Doing battle with myself sounds a bit difficult - I get quite obnoxious myself once I get a few mudslides in me, though drambuie just makes me sleepy.