søndag, maj 21, 2006

Life in the bike lane

Hi, my name is Pia, and I'll be the most annoying cyclist on your commute this morning.

My specialty is biking just a teeny bit slower than you do, so that you'll get stuck behind me, determined to pass me regardless of the physical consequences.

Added to that is my mysterious talent for timing the lights so that while you're stopped at the next red, I will arrive just in time for the green, and glide right by you while you're just getting started, so that you can again be behind me determined to pass me at any cost, and the whole thing can repeat. And repeat. And repeat. Maybe 8 or 9 times.

Until you refuse to pass me anymore just on principle, at which point I'll start going much, much slower.

I've heard that you like to talk to your fellow bikers sometimes, under your breath, and that's o.k. I wouldn't notice your repeated, 'What are you doing? Don't you realize I'm just gonna have to pass you...again?!' even if I knew you existed.

And in order to prove my loyalty, I promise to accompany you all the way to Nørreport Station. I wouldn't want you to get lonely on the way.

28 kommentarer:

roro sagde ...

Oh my god. Just READING that made me instantly furious. And I don't even ride a bike! Maybe you should consider carrying one of those "horns in a can", you know, the ones that let fly that crazed honking noise when you press on them. Then, when Pia gets all up in your spokes, HONK HER. YEAAAAAAAH!

And maybe I should consider decaf.

treespotter sagde ...

which reminds me i have to send you an invoice for the two bikes you're ordering

marybishop sagde ...

And you choose the name Pia which sets my teeth on edge as I had an exchange student name Pia live with me for a year...it wasn't a good thing.

No...never again.

Perhaps a handful of tacks could put Pia behind you on her behind...but you'd never do that.

Marion sagde ...

Next time Pia gets in your way, think of the Pias on the bus: they take their shoes off, haven't had a shower for weeks, smell like a whole pub. They bump into you on purpose, don't manage to keep their dog under control, shake the water in their umbrella on you, punch you in the face with their newspaper. ;-)

Simple American sagde ...

I steel baton buys distance. You just have to have some speed so you don't get tangled up. Hope Pia has a helmut. :)

keda sagde ...

ooooh i'm seething now. as i don't ride a bike i can't think of anything clever to say or do. but i'd be seriously tempted to fake fall and ram her off the bloody road.
not that i'm not usually all sweetness and light of course.

jackt sagde ...

You need some James Bond-type tire puncturing metal spikes that you can leave in your wake.

DayByDay4-2Day sagde ...

Sounds like you need a bike horn!

erin sagde ...

It's the Pias on escalators that I run into most, though they also hang out in train stations, hallways and sidewalks.

Chloe sagde ...

and i thought cyclists were more civilized than drivers. :(

Maddy sagde ...

arahghhhhhhh!
I know this cyclist!
bring and throw eggs...

Helen sagde ...

Glad to hear its not just Sweden that Pia exsists in! Helen

Kelly sagde ...

So, you know Pia too? She also frequents the central station and likes to stand in front of the exit just long enough to make me miss bus 10. I am a rugby player and I have to use every ounce of self control I have to keep from tackling her!

HB sagde ...

Ha ha, brilliant! Even so, I prefer to be annoyed on a bicycle, instead of inside a car:-) I'll start cycling to uni soon. Soonish.. it's uphill all the way.

Jack P Toerson sagde ...

It doesn't surprise me that all of the problems people have with other people's driving have analogues in cycling ;-).

Etchen sagde ...

You know, I think I have met Pia before too. Too funny!

Greg Mills sagde ...

Pia stops in front of busy exits to rearrange her purse. Pia stares from her seat at the pregnant woman standing in front of her. Pia pick her nose in shops and then handle the goods. Pia sit in front of you just at the movie is starting, and she doesn't remove her stupid hat. Pia has had her turn indicator flashing for the past twenty minutes, even though it's a single lane road. Pia and her family fan out across the entire sidewalk and walk very slowly, eating ice cream. For some reason, Pia thought buying an underpowered motorcycle would be a fine idea and she is now in front of you on the freeway entrance and a large truck is bearing down on both of you.

I know Pia.

Sangroncito sagde ...

I think you should throw some nails in her path....

kimananda sagde ...

Roro, I've always wanted an 'a-OOOH-gah' horn...that is a great idea. And please keep to the caffeine...all that energy is good! :-)

Treespotter, oh, yeah...but I am assuming that I can test drive them first?

Mary, nope, I'd never do that...if all Pia's got that treatment, then I would get that treatment, as we all play the Pia role sometimes. And, just out of curiosity, where was Pia from? Was she Danish?

Marion, I hadn't made the connection, but I actually ran into Pia a lot when I was in London, on the underground.

Mr. American, man, you commenters are all vicious! But a good idea...there might be some collateral damage, as this kind of Pia-ist behaviour is partly caused by the traffic (yep, we have bicycle traffic jams, more or less, in Denmark).

Keda, an idea, if only I had the skill to carry it off...and I am always sweetness and light...well, sometimes, erm...well, I was sweetness and light for one brief second at the age of three!

Jackt, that sounds great...anything Bond-like is cool. Maybe a bicycle jet pack?

Day, I have a bell, but the Danes are quite civilized, and don't use their horn/bell/whatever unless the person really won't move out of your way. Pia isn't in my way, it just gets annoying to keep passing her (and of course it's probably the same for her having to keep passing me!)

Erin, yep, those Pia's, they're everywhere!

Chloe, nope, about the same. But both cyclists and drivers are pretty civilized in Denmark.

Maddy, eggs? But what if Pia is vegan?

Helen, based on the comments here, I'd say Pia is pretty much universal.

Kelly, man, that Pia...I always run into her in Nørreport, when changing from the s-tog to the Metro.

HB, uphill? You're brave...I don't do hills.

Jack, my working theory is that cycling is just like driving a car, but slower (and wetter in the rain). Someday I will have a post or three explaining why.

Etchen, this is one of those tiny slices of life that turns out to be far bigger than that. I'm enjoying seeing where else Pia has been spotted.

Greg, oh my god, that's her! She's everywhere!

Sangroncito, an idea, and a good one...but I may stick to just passing her and then not stopping!

Simple American sagde ...

Then you may need several batons.

Neil sagde ...

Who would guess that there is road rage amongst bicyclists?

Daphnewood sagde ...

Pia is a nightmare! It must be something about wheels that make people do those kind of things. Just get a big stick and shove it into her spokes as she gets close.

Vesper sagde ...

i finally did my letter S assignment!!!!

kimananda sagde ...

Mr. American, you may well be right! ;-)

Neil, bicycles in Denmark are like cars that way. I'll blog about that idea more at a later point, I'm sure.

Daphnewood, it's not so bad, when I consider that to Pia, I am probably also Pia (well, she also passes me many time, yes?) But it is a bit annoying anyway.

Vesper, yea! I can't wait to see it!

Nabeel sagde ...

i always slow down when I see someone on a bicycle .. but sometimes bikers are soo irresponsible .. they should know about the rules and dangers involved but they are soo irresponsible sometimes .. and it's actually dangerous for both the biker and the driver in a car ..

the boundary outside the bike lane is dangerous ground my friend .. do not cross the boundary (msg to bikers)

kimananda sagde ...

That's the beauty of Denmark...there are enough cyclists that drivers are more aware of them, and enough cycle paths that the stupid things that bikers do are more likely to bother other cyclists than drivers.

Anonym sagde ...

Hej, did that happen just after our brunch?¿? Hope you are ok.. no news good news?! :)

kimananda sagde ...

Well, it is something that happens a lot...usually in the morning when there's lots of bicycle traffic. And, no good news, but not much bad news either. I've just put money on my phone (finally), so I'll sms you.