Life in the bike lane

Hi, my name is Pia, and I'll be the most annoying cyclist on your commute this morning.

My specialty is biking just a teeny bit slower than you do, so that you'll get stuck behind me, determined to pass me regardless of the physical consequences.

Added to that is my mysterious talent for timing the lights so that while you're stopped at the next red, I will arrive just in time for the green, and glide right by you while you're just getting started, so that you can again be behind me determined to pass me at any cost, and the whole thing can repeat. And repeat. And repeat. Maybe 8 or 9 times.

Until you refuse to pass me anymore just on principle, at which point I'll start going much, much slower.

I've heard that you like to talk to your fellow bikers sometimes, under your breath, and that's o.k. I wouldn't notice your repeated, 'What are you doing? Don't you realize I'm just gonna have to pass you...again?!' even if I knew you existed.

And in order to prove my loyalty, I promise to accompany you all the way to Nørreport Station. I wouldn't want you to get lonely on the way.

Information in this post may change your perception of the world

But then again, it probably won't.

The other day, I found out an amazing fact. Did you know that if the tires on your bike have enough air in them, then the bike actually goes faster? This may be old news to you, but it was a revelation to me. I had attributed my slow speed in recent times to being out of shape from a few months of not so much riding, and when I then also noticed my tires were a bit low, I didn't really see a connection. But then, I got the tire levels back to where they should be, and...

My trip to school, before taking around an hour and 25 minutes, now takes just over an hour and 5 minutes.

The class I teach way out in a far distant suburb, before an hour and 30 minute ride from from my apartment, is now an hour and 10 minutes away.

Going in to town, before taking somewhat over an hour, now takes somewhat under an hour.

So the formula is, the more air in the tires, the faster the bike. This logically means that if I put enough air in my tires, I should end up with a kind of teleporter almost. The trip to work, maybe 30 seconds. I shouldn't need to buy plane tickets to go to Lisbon in July or Chengdu in August, but just put lots and lots of air in my bicycle tires, and then ride there in an hour or two. If I could find a way to bicycle over water, I could bike to see my family in California at the weekends, or meet friends in London for a quick coffee. I could go have dinner at all of your houses, wherever you are.

So, now I'm just patiently waiting for someone to invent a bicycle tire that can handle that much air.

A day in the life of a Danish bicycle

This past Monday was the official opening of my own personal bicycle season, by which I mean it is warm enough (barely) that I don't have the excuse of winter weather to convince me to take the train or the bus. The star of this season is, of course, my bicycle, which is also one of my most prized possessions. I would like to honor her - yes, her, as she is clearly a 'dame cykel' (lady bike) - by sharing the events of a typical day in her life, yesterday. The following is what I imagine she would be thinking, if she did that sort of thing. And for all I know, she does.


8:35 I have just been rescued from the cellar where I live. A lot of my neighbors never get out, and sometimes I worry that I'll never leave either. The good thing is that, when I do get out, I usually get to go somewhere far away...at least an hour, usually more. Today's journey should be an hour and 15 minutes, but will probably be longer. Serves my owner right for not taking me out more; it'll be a while before I can go faster (not fast though...my owner is always very slow). The bad side is that most of the places I go are nice enough, but the way there is usually on side roads along highways or on ring roads, so I don't see much in the way of natural beauty.


10:00 Well, the ride was o.k. and not too much longer than normal. There are still not too many of us on the roads because of the weather and the time of day. There aren't so many of us parked here either, but a lot of students live in dormitories which are within walking distance.


16:05 A bicycle's life is all about waiting. What was my owner doing in that building anyway? Couldn't she see that it was snowing? Didn't she think about me...I could have rusted! Anyway, I've just gone from school to the main library, through Christianshavn; my siteseeing for the day. I spend an awful lot of time parked in front of libraries, though I would think that taking me places is much more fun than books. I think I've seen some of these bikes before, but I can't be sure.


16:50 Now, I'm in Nørrebro, where my owner has Danish lessons...does that woman do anything other than study? There used to be a nice courtyard with lovely bike racks, but there's some construction going on. So I'm in the passageway to the courtyard. I'm in a prime position because we're here a bit early, but I guarantee you that I'll have six other bikes resting on me by the end of the evening.

20:15 Hey, my owner is out of class already. Something about finishing a practice exam early...so, amazingly, there are some things she does fast. I'm all set to ride home, but can you believe she's forgotten my lights? I'll bet on purpose. I think she should just ride illegally, but I know she won't. Now, she's actually going to walk with me to the train station, can you believe that? What an indignity!


20:45 The shame! I can hardly speak. There were no trains on the first line, so she decided to take the replacement bus. Bikes just don't go on buses; it's not allowed, and not done. She put me on the bus anyway, and then had a big discussion with the driver about whether we could stay, and how was she supposed to get home otherwise (while I was thinking, what about me...duh!). The driver talked about how it's her own responsibility to have lights, and how the space I was occupying was specifically for prams and very old people. And then...he let us stay. So embarassing...like maybe I couldn't do my job or something. Now we're on the train. I am on trains a lot, along with lots of other bikes. It's a sad fact of life that Danes ride bikes, but normally not for very long distances...anything over a half an hour away is seen as pretty far. So, maybe I should be glad that I get ridden at all, seeing as I live way out in the 'burbs.


21:05 Home sweet home. I was one of the very few bikes in my cellar to go out today, and I can feel a bit of envy from some of my neighbors - only some of them...others are not so well, and prefer to stay inside. This is the second day in a row where I've had some action, and I hope it lasts. I wonder where I'll get to go tomorrow?