mandag, april 21, 2008

The thin edge of the wedge?

I used to be such a model pregnant woman. I don't smoke, or use any illegal substances. I didn't drink very much before getting pregnant, and so had no trouble cutting the rest out. Barring one fateful encounter with a white chocolate coffee in my second month, or possibly because of that encounter, I have stayed away from caffeine. I refuse to consume any type of seafood, or any herbal tea, or any other suspect material, without first doing an online search to determine its safety. And of course, I would not be taking any medicine for anything at all until well after the birth.

Luckily I've had it relatively easy. No morning sickness, no major back pain, nothing really. Well, except for a bit of heartburn, which I have had to some degree or other since early on, increasing gradually in intensity, but not serious. Well, unless periodic projectile vomiting (you know, the kind where you get to not only vomit, but also clean the entire bathroom afterwards, which is especially pleasant at 2am) is considered serious? Or not really feeling like eating because I'd then feel like I was going to projectile vomit, except that I'd also get that feeling from not eating? When I'd mention my 'sure opstød' to my doctor or my midwife, I'd hear that, well, I certainly could take something for it. Which would lead to me smiling politely, writing down the suggested treatment, and then ignoring it.

Until the last, and most spectacular erm, incident. When I was finally compelled (and nagged) into buying the stuff whose name I had so politely written down. It's fairly innocuous (the fine print clearly states that the product can be taken during pregnancy), binds to stomach acid, and can be taken whenever I want, in whatever quantity I'd like. And, what's even better, it works. I started by popping them like candy. Now, I've cut back to just a couple one or two times a day. I no longer dread going to bed (if you've ever had heartburn, you'll know that it's not compatible with being in a horizontal position), and have now had almost a full week of my meals staying where I put them.

I don't even feel guilty about it. But now my heartburn is less, I find myself considering treating all the other minor ailments which I've learned to just live with. Like that cough I've had since the middle of the second trimester. Or the snoring. Thor would certainly appreciate if I got something to take care of the snoring. Maybe something to take to keep my feet from swelling in the evenings? Where will it end? Maybe by skipping all natural ways of easing the pain of labor and going straight for the morphine? Maybe I'd be better off just taking up smoking and heavy drinking?

*No photo credit: My idea was to have a current belly photo with this post, but truth be told, I'm just too huge. I can't bring myself to put that kind of abdominal girth on the blogosphere.*

6 kommentarer:

Devil Mood sagde ...

hahah you're too huge. I imagine you can't even photograph your belly in a perspective because it's so big, it takes the whole screen ;)

For the snoring thing, there are those special plasters that you put on the bridge of your nose to open the airways a little. Some footballers use them too. Or Thor will have to live with it for just a few more days.

Glad you got the heartburn solved for now, you really should feel guilty, your baby will appreciate that you're not uncomfortable.

kimananda sagde ...

Oh, no, the baby should be proud. I'm just realizing today that I am uncomfortable all the time, well, it's not so bad in the mornings, but it is by afternoon. My back hurts when I stand up, sit down, or lie down. When I walk, I get tired, and am also deeply uncomfortable.

And I have thought about the plasters for the snoring. Just haven't gotten any yet.

And my belly looks like I have a basketball under my blouse. When in fact, I'm merely carrying a giantess! But I know that at most, there's a month more to go...and she could be much, much sooner.

doktorholocaust sagde ...

Ma Holocaust was a big advovate of painkillers and caffeine during her childbearings. with me, she worked night shifts as a nurse, and consumed lots of coffee, so I was kinda born hooked on the stuff, and now have an expensive caffenated-candy addiction on top of a fondness for top-shelf coffees.

on he plus side, caffeine is a healthy stimulant. saturating the larva with it means they won't develop parkinson's disease later in life, and they usually come out a bit smatter due to increased pre-hatching brain activity. they tend to be kinda loquacious, though, and paranoid.

kimananda sagde ...

Dok, I haven't read about any positive effects on the fetus, but neither have I read about any horrible harm from indulging in moderation. The problem is that I'm really sensitive to the stuff. Even if it might benefit my child, it would cause severe mental issues in me, which is why it is to be avoided. But loquacious sounds good to me.

doktorholocaust sagde ...

who are ya gonna trust here, some literature written by medical people, or a longtime caffeine addict who knows how to use the stuff for everything from calming the nerves (by increasing mental focus and focusing on something relaxing) to hallucinating?

sure, they might know the biochemical effects of caffeine, but do they know about rousing games of Chase the Giant Bugs Made Entirely Out of Shadows that can be played once you get more than a few hundred milligrams in your system?

kimananda sagde ...

Uh, this a trick question? ;-)